To celebrate my impending, let's say Zinc, birthday, I decided to pack a piece of cake to eat after my lunch. Rushing out of the apartment this morning, as I am wont to do, I didn't have time to find an appropriate Tupperware container and instead chose to stuff my fluffy slice of tastiness into an average sandwich bag.

Sandwich bags, by the way, were apparently not meant for shuttling cake back and forth. Ostensibly they are designed for sandwiches. Pretzels, even, or Ritz Bitz, perhaps, but not cake. Not cake.

Upon realizing that it was the appropriate time to consume my birthday confection (that is to say "after lunch" and "before falling into a food coma") I retrieved the aforementioned "baggie" and set to devouring its contents. Initial inspections indicated that retrieving the cake from its plastic sheath would prove difficult. I am not sure if you are aware but cake frosting has a nasty habit of clinging to, well, everything: bags, plates, boxes, brides. Hungry, I opened the bag and stuck my plastic utensil inside, probing for a foothold (or rather, forkhold) upon the fluffy edifice. I succeeded, pulling away a small section, shoving it greedily into my mouth. I repeated this process, each time finding my efforts rewarded by less and less cake, the substance that was, in fact, the object of this entire exercise.

Eventually, a scraping method was employed to collect the now thoroughly pulverized cake remains and direct them to my "cake-hole" (perched, as you might have imagined, quite near the baggie mouth). Of course the situation escalated when the last of these morsels was exhausted: liberating the recalcitrant frosting from the plastic womb required more drastic measures. Faced with no alternative, I was forced to violate the integrity of the sandwich bag and turn it inside out, wearing it on my hand like a mitten, greedily suckling it like an infant at a sweet frosting teat.

Do not pity me, for at least I can walk away having experienced the full bounty of that slice of dessert. Lesser men would have been happy with just a taste. Not I. Not I.

But never forget this simple truth: It's hard to eat cake from a sandwich bag. But it's no less delicious.