When I was younger, the excitement upon acquiring a new video game was not solely due to the anticipation of playing it. The start of a new game meant poring over the game manual (which in those days were weighty tomes of knowledge, unlike today's 5 page leaflet abominations) preparing myself for the experience to come. In addition, the first time that game was booted up, I was treated to the opening cinematic sequence, a (sometimes lengthy) introduction to the story and world which, before modern computing power, often consisted of pre-rendered of filmed sequences whose graphical quality were far superior than the actual game. To this day I still enjoy the opening sequence that greets you like the title sequence to your favorite tv show. The more impatient gamers may simple skip these sequences to get to the gameplay meat, but I've always though of the intros as a little treat from the designers to get me pumped before I play.

With that in mind, I scoured YouTube and dug up a collection of opening cinematics from games that I remembered fondly. In some cases the pieces themselves are not wholly remarkable, but are valuable simply in their ability to evoke the good memories associated with a particular game. Titles link to the relevent video clip.

Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders (1988)
LucasArts adventure games were known for, among other things, their catchy themesongs (see: Maniac Mansion). The opening was a little baffling (it is a dream sequence after all) the meaning of the images becoming clear as the game progressed. I never did find that chainsaw.




Prince of Persia (1990)
Before fancy renderings or video, programmers had to work with a limited palette and a paltry number of pixels. The into to this classic game is short and to the point. Prince of Persia's graphics were notable for their fluid character animations achieved through a process similar to rotoscoping.



Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers (1991)
I was a big fan of Sierra adventure games back in the day. If it had "quest" in the title, I probably played it. Space Quest was a favorite for its humor and countless sci-fi and pop culture parodies (as well as amusing death sequences). The fourth entry in the series was probably my favorite and one of more memorable (though I believe I had the non-talkie version).

Star Trek: Judgement Rites (1993)
Judgement Rites was the sequel to Star Trek: The 25th Anniversary released a year earlier, adventure games both being set at the time of the original Enterprise. The games featured the voices of the original cast and did an excellent job of evoking the feel of the show. Each mission started with the classic establishing shot of the Enterprise and writing credits, and the opening cinematic, not surprisingly, recreates that of the television show.

X-COM: UFO Defense (1993)
Also known as UFO: Enemy Unknown, is of the great turn-based strategy games of all time. The intro was surprisingly cheesy and seemingly heavily influenced by Japanese animation (not to mention the music). Even still, the opening brings back great memories.




Tie Fighter (1994)
Tie Fighter and its predecessor, Star War: X-Wing, were my two favorite space combat games of old and wore out at least one joystick. Voice-overs were still relatively new, especially if you didn't own a CD-ROM drive, and seeing anything relating to the Star Wars universe recreated on the computer made me tingle. Added bonus was the appearance of Admiral Thrawn in the opening, a character created in Timothy Zahn's excellent trilogy that started with Heir to the Empire.

Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within (1995)
Sierra (and others) briefly experimented with full-motion video for their adventure games, thinking it would be the "wave of the future". With all these actors around and with digital sets, I guess they felt compelled to create exceptionally long cutscenes and opening sequences, like this one. It is fun to hear them say Schattenjäger, though. I thoroughly enjoyed the first game in the series, which was appropriately dark and featured the voice talents of Tim Curry, Mark Hamill, and Michael Dorn.

Star Trek: The Next Generation - A Final Unity (1995)
Although the CGI renderings of the Enterprise-D crew in this Next Generation title are "crude" by today's standards (Blizzard has spoiled us all), it was hailed as groundbreaking at the time. Still, the foreshortening on Worf's arm bothers me to this day.




Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight (1997)
Each of the openings in the Dark Forces series of games opted for a different technique. The original was done in non-photorealistic renderings, Jedi Knight uses filmed actors and CG elements, and the sequel opted for an opening rendered using the game engine. I particularly enjoyed the actor's portrayal of the blind Dark Jedi Jerec in this and other cutscenes. The creepy mouth movements are killer.

Deus Ex (2000)
I had never heard of Deus Ex when I received it free with either a sound card or video card I had purchased for my PC. It quickly become one of my all-time favorite games. The mixture of first-person shooter and RPG elements made it greatly appealing and fun. The complicated and mysterious backstory and plot made the game more than just a shooter, and made me want to keep playing just to uncover more details. The PS2 version had a pre-rendered intro, apparently.

Halo: Combat Evolved (2001)
The darling of the Xbox console, Halo sets its futuristic first-person shooter action to the backdrop of a relatively complicated and mysterious narrative. The games opening sequence introduces us to the Earth-Covenant conflict and our hero, Master Chief, for the first time.




Max Payne (2001)
"They were all dead. The final gunshot was an exclamation point to everything that had led to this point." The titular character's memorable first lines introduce us to the story in media res, an excellent storytelling device that allows the game to come full-circle by its conclusion. The brilliantly conceived graphic novel cutscenes and overly drawn-out dialog cemented the heavy film/pulp noir atmosphere of the game.

Star Trek Armada (2000)
Armada was the obligatory real-time strategy game based on the Trek license. The single-player was fun, if short, though to me it felt a little strange having these starships constrained to a square map and having to collect resources. The intro was awesome, though.




Thief 2: The Metal Age (2000)
Thief was the father of modern stealth gameplay. The cutscenes were appropriately dark and stylized, and helped to reinforce the fantasy steampunk setting. Of particular note were the quotes from fictional "religious" texts sprinkled throughout that fleshed out the philosophies of the game's important factions.



Neverwinter Nights (2001)
The first computer implementation of the 3rd Edition ruleset for D&D met with a great deal of success, particularly due to the inclusion of a toolset that allowed players to create their own adventures for others to play (in single or multiplayer). The opening cinematic is interesting because, although it is certainly cool, it really has nothing to do with the plot of the actual game.


Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell (2002)
The undeniable king of modern stealth gameplay opted for a "here's are some of the things you're going to be doing while playing the game" type intro, interspersed with a CGI Sam Fisher. The most memorable part about it for me was the licensing of "Name of the Game" by The Crystal Method, pumping me up to, ironically, sneak around quietly and avoid enemies.


Battlefield Franchise (2002-2006)
I've been a fan of the Battlefield series since 1942 which helped popularize large-scale multiplayer combat with vehicles. The games in the series which span from World War II (intro) through modern and near-modern times (intro) to a century and a half in the future (intro) have always had interesting and exciting opening movies. The main theme is one of my favorite pieces of video game music.

Far Cry (2004)
Although the gameplay difficulty was terribly unbalanced, Far Cry set the bar for gameplay realism with its lush and beautiful jungle environs and enemy AI behavior. The reverse-time opening is somewhat unique in video game opening cinematics and the whole piece does a nice job of setting up the story without a single line of dialog or narration.


Halo 2 (2004)
Halo 2 builds upon the universe established in the first part of the series, giving players their first look at the conflict from the Covenant side. Master Chief manages to still be a badass even when he only has one line of dialog.





Saints Row (2006) (NSFW)
The opening cinematic (and game itself) is unashamedly profane and violent, finally taking full advantage of the game's M rating. 2006's surprise hit, Saints Row took Grand Theft Auto's sandbox style play and tweaked it, with HD "next-gen" graphics to boot. The voice acting in the game was superb (Keith David and Michael Rappaport play major roles) and the cutscenes were surprisingly well done.

Guitar Hero 2 for the Xbox 360 comes with a nice enough guitar controller, but I must say, sterile white doesn't exactly scream "rockin'" to me. So, I picked up a few cans of spray paint, some stencil materials, an x-acto knife, painter's tape, masking paper, and a few paint pens, and did the only thing a geek would do: gave my Xbox axe a custom paint job. After a few dozen coats of paint and several days of work, I present to you my very own custom Trogdor Gibson X-plorer guitar (click for larger version):


Detailed instructions on how I did it coming soon...

And the Trogdor comes in the niiiiiiiiiight!

Dear Jack Thompson, Dr. Phil, etc.,

In light of the recent tragedy, you might have heard some people saying that violent games are partially to blame for real life violence. To put your minds at ease about these games, I, Kato, make the following declarations:

• I know the difference between right and wrong.
• I know the difference between fantasy and reality.
• I know where the game ends and real life begins.
• I know the difference between aliens/zombies/monsters and people.
• I know the difference between digital people and real people.
• I know the pain real violence can cause.
• I know the pain real crime can cause.
• I know that people who commit real crimes go to real jail.
• I know that people have played Cops and Robbers for generations without becoming real robbers.
• I know that millions of people play violent games without ever committing a violent act.
• I know that video games are a safe way to let out my aggression without hurting anyone.
• I know that pressing a button isn't the same as pulling a trigger.
• I know that no amount of virtual deaths will make me comfortable seeing real death.
• I know that virtual death and real death are worlds apart.
• I know that, in real life, you get one life and there's no reset button.
• I know, in the end, that these are only games.

See "What I know about violent games" - Joystiq

A couple of weeks ago I asked WITFITS readers to help me usher in Spring, and do something creative, by taking a shadow self-portrait. Although my initial attempt to engage you in a project didn't meet with much success, a few readers have since sent in their homework and I've decided not to deduct point for tardiness.

These were the two photos I took of my own shadow doppelganger to get the ball rolling:



OzzyC's submission was delayed a few days because Google thought it was spam, but we finally get to see his bathrobed work entitled "Ozzy-Wan Kenobi":


Jege (Jen), shutterbug that she is, put her skills to work:


MC Etcher showed his approval for the assignment:


NewNorth stumbled upon WITFITS and left her shadow behind:


Tarable braved cloudy skies to snap this one:


And our own Miss Scarlet presented us with her graceful "Call me Sc-ahlet, D-ahling.":


If you want to participate, feel free to post your shadow self-portrait in the comments or e-mail it to me.

As a geek, conversations with non-geeks can be tricky, and not just because they don't get that Dungeon Masters don't have levels. Geeks speak in their own dialect, borrowing many words from the base tongue of the common folk. Homonyms--words with the same sound but different meaning--can often lead to confusion when interacting. Clearly the geek words are superior in meaning and importance, and one day the masses may understand this.

Let me ask you, my friends, if you heard (not read) the following words, which meaning would immediately come to mind: the non-geek, or the geek?

Ram: Animal/Dodge truck OR Random Access Memory?
Bite [Byte]: To engage with teeth OR Composed of 8 bits?
Box: Describes a square container OR Describes an OS-agnostic PC?
PC: Politically Correct OR Personal Computer?
Apple: The fruit of apple trees OR The fruit of Jobs and Wozniak?
Own: "To possess" OR "To completely dominate", particularly in an online arena?
Prawn [Pr0n]: Grilled on the barbie OR Nude pictures of Barbie?
Shell: Found on a beach OR Found in a *nix system?
Java: Beverage, known for its abundance of caffeine OR Language, known for it's lack of pointers?
Bang: Onomatopoeia OR !
Slash: "To cut" OR /
Jiff [gif]: Peanut butter brand of choosy moms OR Image file type of dubious pronounciation?
Apache: Indian OR Webserver?
Boot: Used by a cowboy to keep mud off his feet OR Used by a BIOS to start an OS?
Bug: Insect OR Bad code?
Cookie: Made by Mom OR Made by browsers?
Finger: Hand digit OR *nix program?
Gopher: Pesky animal OR Outdated Internet protocol?
Pearl [Perl]: Generated by oysters OR Written by programmers?
Elm/Pine: Used to send snail-mail OR Used to send e-mail?
Ruby: Jewel OR Language?
Spam: Unwanted meat OR Unwanted e-mail?
Trojan Horse: Created by Mycenaean Greeks OR Created by malicious Geeks?
Halo: Nimbus OR World-destroyer?
Opera: Art form loved by a devout few OR Browser loved by a devout few?

What other geek homonyms do you find yourself contemplating when heard out of context?

My Xbox 360 bricked this week. It is now the most expensive doorstop I've ever owned.

It had been flaky all week--freezing randomly and sometimes refusing to come back on when powered off (or rebooting to show a corrupted image of the Xbox logo). I initially blamed it on Guitar Hero 2; I thought perhaps there was a bug in the game as some people were reporting the same symptoms as me. A quick poll of people I knew who had the game revealed that I was the only one having this problem. As it turned out, games other than Guitar Hero 2 were freezing when I attempted to play them. Even the dashboard hung on me. I tried a number of solutions: disconnecting the hard drive, reconnecting all the cables to make sure there wasn't a loose connection, removing the camera, pointing a big fan at it to increase airflow, and even a secret button combination to blow away the Xbox cache. Nothing fixed the problem. When I came home yesterday it would no longer boot. The power button simply stared backed at me with an evil red glow.

The Red Ring of Death. How I had feared this day.

I contacted tech support and we initiated the repair request process. It'll take a few days to ship back and forth and a couple days to fix, so I guess I won't be gaming on it for at least a week, probably more. Fortunately my box is still under warranty so the repairs are free. I'm still bummed. All I wanted to do today after work (other than nap) was to come home and jam out for awhile. Figures.

I will post a write up my support experience when it's all done to help out anyone who may have this problem in the future. It's been pretty straightforward so far, but the Xbox website doesn't really tell you what to expect if you have to make a repair request.

This experience demonstrated to me an interesting phenomenon. I originally thought the problems were being caused, as I said, by Guitar Hero 2. "Oh noes, Guitar Hero 2 bricked my Xbox!!1!" I thought. A handful of others posting on various forums seem to have had the same experience. Yet, this same type of thing happened when Crackdown was released a couple of months ago (indeed, a friend of mine had his 360 randomly kick the bucket the first time he tried to play the game). Netizens were crying foul: "Don't buy Crackdown, it'll ruin your 360!"

In actuality, I and others are making a false correlation. The fact that our Xboxes stopped functioning after starting to play a new game is purely coincidental. Seeing that others have had the same problem at the same time initially seems like proof for our argument but we are failing to see the whole picture, viewing only a small subset of the data and making assumptions based on that. Statistically speaking, a certain percentage of the 360 owners who have a faulty consoles are going to have them fail shortly after purchasing a new title. In general, the chances of this happening are probably about equal to it failing at any other time (half-way through a game, while playing an old game, between games, etc.) It is perhaps slightly more likely to happened after purchasing a new game if only because the console may have lay dormant for a few days or weeks because the owner had nothing new to play, or because the average player is more likely to spend more hours playing shortly after purchase than they are a few days or weeks down the road. In addition, it is more likely to see a failure after a big new release since the number of people playing their consoles (and thereby able to witness a failure) increases.

When the console fails right after we've started playing something new, we immediately conclude that it is the new title's fault. People will invariably post on the relevant message boards of this fact. When it happens to us, we search for others with the same problem and, of course, are bound to find a handful of others who share our situation. However, we are biased by our plight and by the nature of human behavior, particularly in terms of the Internet. We are much more likely to complain that something doesn't work or is broken than we are to praise it for being fully functional. If I buy a new game and everything works, I don't immediately go to the forums and post, "JUST BOUGHT GOD OF PEACE AND IT TOTALLY RUNS FINE ON MY SYSTEM!" If something breaks, I'm on the Internet in minutes to bitch and moan and call the developers names. The fact of the matter is, a small percentage of people will have their boxes brick at the same time, and since we don't see the overwhelming number of people who have had no problems at all talking about that fact, we assume it is a common problem and make an incorrect conclusion.

It would be interesting to study when people purchased their Xbox 360 and when they failed (if at all). I wonder if there is an average time after which a hardware failure creeps up (some component that "goes bad" after x months of use) and if these handfuls of people who have their boxes fail at new release time all purchased theirs (or had their manufactured) around the same date.

Analysis aside, I am still 360-less for the weekend. I apologize for the long diversion into statistics. I saw Stephen Dubner speak recently and my mind must be in Freakanomics mode. I wonder what he and Levitt would make of cheaters/griefers in online gaming?

I joined a fitness program offered by my workplace. As a programmer and tech enthusiast, I spent a lot of time on my butt. If spending time on your butt was a job in and of itself, I would have tenure. Needless to say, I could use the exercise, and I'd like to shed some lbs and transform into a sleeker, more streamlined geek. Plus, my butt muscles are as toned as they are gonna get from all this sitting--it's time I exercise something else.

As part of this program we are required to submit ourselves to a weigh-in and have body-fat measurements taken. In addition to hopping on a scale, a trainer has to poke and prod you with a pair of calipers to measure where you are storing all those ho-hos and extra servings of pie. Glutton that I am, I subjected myself to this torture just the other day.

Let me tell you, folks, there is nothing more ego deflating to a guy than to have to stand there while an attractive young female trainer grabs handfuls of flab and records it for posterity. It's hard to hit on a girl when you can't get your mind off the fact that, now shirtless, your man-boobs are readily apparent to her. My resignation was palpable.

Complicating matters was the fact that although I was genuinely attempting to allow her to collect accurate measurements, I couldn't help but do the same thing that any man or woman would do in the presence of an attractive member of the opposite sex: the suck in. This "poor man's tummy-tuck" is universal and ingrained to the point it is a reflex. Go to the beach some time and watch how many pot-bellied gentlemen suddenly stand taller and grow thinner when it comes time to ditch their shirts and hit the waves. But I digress.

We finished the weigh-in with a waist measurement. As she wrapped the tape around my midsection, her head level with my navel, intently studying the hash marks, I had a paralyzing thought: what if I had belly button lint? It seemed unlikely as I had showered only a short time earlier, but belly button lint is a mysterious phenomenon. No one knows were it comes from, and it seems to appear as if magic. On a man, the navel is nature's lint trap, and on many men the amount of miscellaneous material found therein could rival a Kenmore. If she saw anything she didn't let on, but she may have just been polite.

But know that as soon as she turned away I did a frantic check just to be sure.

It's hard enough to be suave and macho when you feel like a fatso, but it's even more so when there's a chance you have the remnants of an entire sweater nestled comfortably in your belly button. Such is life.

This weekend a friend invited me over to check out RedOctane and Harmonix's Guitar Hero II for the Xbox 360.

After fifteen minutes of play I knew I had to own it. Two hours later, I was walking out of Best Buy with it firmly in my hands.

Not owning a Playstation, I am late to the Guitar Hero phenomenon but I can understand what all the fuss was about. Simply put, this is a great game. I know it's a great game by the fact that since I started playing I can't hear a song on the radio without wondering what the fingering on the frets would be like in game. As a sat at my desk today, "Them Bones" by Alice In Chains ran through my head and I daydreamed about perfecting The Police's "Message in a Bottle".

Others on the web have spoken volumes about the series so I won't go overboard here but I must say I'm impressed. "Jamming" on a guitar controller just feels awesome and I find myself getting surprisingly into some of the songs (assuming the fingering isn't so difficult that I have to focus solely on it). The mechanics seems daunting at first--strumming with one hand while using the other to push fret buttons that match the ones on the screen--but I was surprised at how quickly I picked it up. The difficulty progression seems reasonable and I, at least, get better with every song and every performance.

One of the best features is the (in person) multiplayer. With two axes, one guitar hero wannabe plays lead while the other plays bass/rhythm. It's fantastic fun and makes you appreciate the skills of your fellow player (and/or apologetic for your own lack thereof). Harmonix missed a great opportunity for co-op awesomeness by not letting you play the "campaign" as a duo, but I suspect that their next project may remedy that.

I haven't even mentioned the best part of the game: one of the unlockable songs is "Trogdor" by Strong Bad. My heart has not the words for the joy it feels in mashing on the trembalos during that most awesome of tracks. "Thunderhorse" by Dethklok is fun and challenging as well.

A majority of the songs are covers (likely due to both cost and implementation issues), and musically they sound great, but I found some of the vocals lacking. This is relatively minor since as you're playing you're focusing on the notes, not on the singing , but when you're cranking out a track like "Killing in the Name", you really want the vocalist to be as angry as De La Rocha (which may not be possible).

I hear my fans calling. Sounds like they want Limozeen to play an encore. If you'll excuse me, I have an axe to shred.

Question for the readers: What's your GH2 band name? If you don't have the game, what would it be?