My girlfriend, inexplicably, actually enjoys playing videogames with me.

Pinch me.

This is convenient as I sometimes crave them like a pregnant woman craves pickles and ice cream. Plus, it's nice to finally hang out with a woman who doesn't roll her eyes or look dumbfounded when I proudly exclaim that I've found a way to take super awesome 3D screenshots in Halo 3.

One night we were playing said game online, in either a doubles or a team match. We lost and she didn't have a particularly great round, only scoring a few points. One of our sore-winner opponents (and there are plenty of them on Xbox Live--apparently you can't earn achievements in "Sportmanship") decided he would reveal how big of an asshat he really was by taunting her.

"You suck balls," he said in the post-game lobby.

My girlfriend, quick of wit and unfased by the base and rather unoriginal insult, replied with this gem:

"Oh yea? Well, I'm a girl, so at least I have an excuse. You're a guy, so when you do it, it just makes you gay."

The corner of my mouth turn up into a half-smile. I suspected the simpleton on the other end of the voice chat wouldn't be bright enough to comprehend what she just did there. His silence seemed to confirm my suspicions.

Then I realized her mic was muted.

Oh well, at least I heard it. I congratulated her on her comeback and proceeded to give Asshat McGee some tasty bad feedback on Live. Don't be a dick to my girlfriend, dude, unless you want to be punished and face a verbal lashing.

As a footnote, when I'm playing by myself online and someone decides to taunt me, she will sit next to me on the couch and mock them. In a match where I managed to squeak out a victory with a fantastic last-minute comeback, the second place player made some whiny, disparaging comment to me.

Her response? "It's a shame he'll never get a blowjob."

Zing!