Dearest Wilbur... or Edgar... or whatever name you're going by these days,

Thank you for writing me regarding "([ ]**- - :[- )+ -.!(+]:((! :![", though to be honest I can't say I know how to, em, pronounce it. If Victor Borge were still alive, I suspect he might know.

Even so, I truly appreciate the stock tips you enclosed, though I think you might want to get your keyboard fixed--your e-mail looks like the shift key caught the flu and hurled characters all over it. Still, the effort is commendable. It's pretty awesome that you let me, and me alone, in on these great stock secrets. We'll be rich... rich as astronauts! And the crazy part is, I don't even know you! That's a true philanthropist at work.

Keep sending them my way! And say hi to my buddy Paul A. Davis, I'm all outta horny pills... again!