There can never be too many euphemisms for masturbation. But I think the old classics are getting a little tired. Plus they make too much literal sense. I prefer my euphemisms to be as unrelated to the subject as possible, preferably borrowing from existing cliches. Here are a few I'm considering introducing into the vernacular:

• Rushing the Passer
• Leggo the Eggo
• Dilly the Dally
• Invading the Privacy
• Chew the Fat
• Indenture the Servitude
• Walk the Dog
• Embolden the Terrorist
• Sink the Titanic
• Invade the Falklands
• Posit a Theory
• Bend Your Wookie
• Jack Your Sparrow
• Pass the Syrup
• Sink or Swim
• Blink in Unison
• Submit to Inspection
• Shoot the Moon
• Taste the Rainbow
• Cut and Run
• Folding At Home
• Wink the Martindale
• Rip the Torn
• Fyvish the Finkle
• Grant and Injunction
• Invert the Warp Field
• Jump to Hyperspace
• Hunt for Red October
• Fork It Over
• Pimp Your Ride

The preceding was part of the first annual WITFITS Suggest A Topic Week, where the readers suggested a topic for me to write about. See here for details.