Today is Valentine's Day or as I like to call it, Wednesday.

Valentine's Day is totally condescending to singles, and I'm not going to take it anymore! I say it is biased against the relatonshiply-challenged! I propose a new day, a Singles Day, to celebrate the beauty of bachelorhood! Instead of the expensive boxes of gourmet chocolates, it will have single-serving pudding cups. In the place of teddy bears and flowers, we'll buy ourselves magazines and new-car-scented air fresheners. The traditional expensive dinner with lobster and champagne will be simpler fare: a box of Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese and whatever beer is left in the fridge. There will be no cards, no candygrams, no cutesy nonsense. That's time that could be spent playing video games, taking naps, or watching pornography. If you really must get something for the single person in your life, gift cards for steakhouses or discounts on tires will be acceptable. No one will ever feel disappointed on this new, glorious holiday. There will be no pressure to "put out" and no question as to whether or no you're gonna "get some". You see, everyone gets laid on Singles Day... at least in a manner of speaking.

Write your local congressperson. Let's make this happen, people.

And so, I say, "Fuck You, Valentine's Day!" Clearly, I'm not alone:

• Einstein hated Valentine's Day.
• Cupid is as good as dead.
• Forget teddy bears, this sums up your feelings nicely.
• Candy hearts are windows into the soul.
• Hallmark needs to consider this design.
• I don't usually use holiday-themed wallpaper, but I might make an exception.

So, who wants to be my Blog Valentine this year? Or at least my Anti-Valentine?