I have mentioned before that lately I seem to have trouble reading anything correctly the first time. This was proven to me again the other day, around the time of Talk Like A Pirate Day. I drove past a local church and I swear the sign out front said:

"God's answers are wiser than our pirates."

I thought this was pretty insulting to pirates everywhere. Don't they have enough problems, what with the scurvy and the generally poor health care coverage?

Of course, I realize now that the sign says "prayers" not "pirates", though to be honest, that doesn't make much more sense.

Whatever, Justin Timberlake. I totally already brought sexy back. And since I'm still around, that means sexy never left.

So don't be stepping to me, son. Cause you don't want none of this Kato flava!

(Plus, I have a way sexier back. When it's waxed, at least. You know how it is, right fellas?)

In recent years I've become somewhat intrigued by the field of voice-over work. I've always thought it would be fun and interesting to lend my voice to a character, whether it be in movies, television, or video games. I'm not particularly talented when it comes to "doing voices", but I like the idea of being able to give voice to a character that perhaps in no way resembles me (or maybe anything/anyone else, for that matter). Voice acting has the advantages of still being acting, but without being limited by the actor's physical characteristics (size, shape, gender, etc.)

Earlier this summer I was working on a personal project that would have given me the chance to voice a bunch of characters I had created. I was pretty excited about the opportunity, but unfortunately, that project sorta fizzled (or was put on hold) both by my own failure to follow through and other difficulties (the immense potential work load being a major factor).

I even considered creating an audio version of WITFITS (I've been told I have a pleasant reading voice) but ultimately decided the work required to do that would outweigh the negligible benefits.

I have found, though, that these days I pay more attention to the names behind the voices I know and love in the media I absorb. People like Billy West (Fry/Zoidberg/Professor Farnsworth/etc. on Futurama) amaze me with their range of characters and breadth of experience. I've started to learn the names of the people whose work I enjoy (and admire) most, much like one would with the more visible "physical" actors we see every day. People like H. Jon Benjamin (Coach McGuirk/Jason, Home Movies), John DiMaggio (Bender, Futurama), Phil LaMarr (Hermes, Futurama, Green Lantern, Justice League), Keith David (Arbiter, Halo, Julius, Saints Row), the list goes on and on.

And then there's Frank Welker and Peter Cullen.

You may not recognize the names (I didn't until relatively recently), but the two combined have over 600 acting credits (at least according to a quick glance at IMDB), with Welker having over 500 of those. These two gentlemen almost single-handedly represent a significant (and special) part of my childhood with the cartoon voices they performed. Frank Welker voiced the roles of Megatron and Soundwave on Transformers, Uni from Dungeons & Dragons, Kermit and Beaker on Muppet Babies, Glomer on It's Punky Brewster, Brain and Dr. Claw on Inspector Gadget, Ray Stantz and Slimer on The Real Ghostbusters, Ralph the Guard, Thaddeus Plotz, Buttons and Chicken Boo on The Animaniacs, and most recently Avenger on Harvey Birdman and Nibbler on Futurama. Peter Cullen lent his pipes to K.A.R.R. on Knight Rider, the narrator on Voltron, Eeyore in some versions of Winnie the Pooh, and my favorite: Optimus Prime on Transformers.

I am in awe.

And what brought about this nostalgic and rambling post, you might ask? An interview I read today on USATODAY.com by Whitney Matheson with the aforementioned Peter Cullen. In it he made this (somewhat startling, to me) revelation:

"...that's one thing about [Transformers]. I never saw a fan letter. I don't know who got them. That's why I was so surprised so many years later to find out that he was so popular. I didn't know."

After reading that I did a quick Google, hoping I'd find that Mr. Cullen had a website through which I could contact him (well at least a handler or what not). Alas, I found none, so this blog post serves as my own way of saying thank you. Mr. Cullen, I have many fond childhood memories of fictional characters, Optimus Prime being near the top of the list. Thank you for lending your voice and breathing life into him. And thank you to all the voice actors out there who are bringing life to cartoon and video game characters everywhere. You guys rock!

Seriously, what the fuck is up with Domino's latest promotion? First of all, who wants cheap, fast-food brownies with pizza? Second, an anthropomorphized dessert that sounds like a cross between Gizmo the Gremlin and a retarded Ewok? Seriously? Not since the days of The Noid have I felt such trepidation regarding pizza.

The talk by Leonard Nimoy I mentioned the other day was quite enjoyable. Mr. Nimoy regaled us with anecdotes of how he got his start in show business and the origins of some of Mr. Spock's most well-known characteristics (namely the Vulcan greeting and the "Vulcan nerve pinch"). It was an interesting and engaging talk, and should any of you out there in blog-readership land have the chance to hear him speak, I recommend it.

Amusingly enough, during the Q&A session that followed, someone actually asked the question I posed facetiously here: "What was the deal with the 'Ballad of Bilbo Baggins'?"

Mr. Nimoy thought for a moment and then replied, "Who sent you here?" He then went on to explain how he had recorded several albums at the time and was approached to do the song, which he thought would be fun for kids and what not. He seemed almost slightly annoyed, though it was just as likely that he was hamming it up for the crowd. He ended his response with, "And you can go watch it on the Internet", emphasizing the last word with faux-exasperated resignation.

At 75, he also seems to have a better memory than I do, a man some 47 years his junior. Mr. Nimoy was asked about his impressions of (and the story behind) an episode of the original series entitled, "The Way to Eden". In this episode which examines (and reflects) the hippie movement of the 1960's, Spock is seen jamming on a Vulcan harp with the space hippies (I'm not making this up). In attempting to recall the episode (from some 40 years ago) Nimoy commented, "Didn't a sing a song in that one?" He thought about it and said, "I wrote that song", and then proceeded to recite most of the song from memory, to the delight of the audience. I was impressed he could remember any of it. I can't even remember where I parked my car this morning.

One part of the Q&A I didn't like (though thoroughly expected) was that several people asked him questions about the Star Trek franchise (as opposed to his part in it). Now, obviously, if you are a fan of Mr. Nimoy and Star Trek, you are probably going to want to ask him about it. That's understandable. But I think you also have to take into consideration that the guy is 75 years old and it was, after all, just a part for him and just a job. The questions I took objection to were both about his feelings about Star Trek after his involvement (one person asked about his thoughts on the other Treks, the other asked about his thoughts on the most recent movie, Insurrection.) Mr. Nimoy answered them honestly and frankly: he didn't watch them, so it wouldn't be fair to comment on them. And I think this is to be expected: Yes, we all love the show and devour each incarnation with a fervent hunger, but you can't expect the actors to follow every development in the franchise after their involvement.

When he was through, Mr. Nimoy received (no surprise) a thunderous applause and standing ovation. In response, he bowed politely and then displayed the familiar Vulcan "Live long and prosper" greeting with both hands, to the utter delight of all in attendance.


In addition to being a worthwhile event to attend, I also found that it did wonders for my self esteem. You see, as I sat there waiting for the talk to begin, I found myself taking in the crowd around me. I wanted to survey the types of people who were in attendance with me. I must say, although I'm not one to believe in stereotypes, they definitely bear some core of truth.

I would not consider myself an exceptionally handsome man. Average, let's say, but not drop dead gorgeous by any means. But as I sat there I realized that, for once in my life, I may have been the most attractive guy in the room. The few pounds that I've put on as a result of working at a desk all day and pounding on the door to 30 seemed not so bad as I spied a few ladies and gentlemen who clearly haven't seen Supersize Me. I patted myself on the back for my choice of (somewhat) stylish small-framed glasses instead of the gigantic frames donned by many of the patrons. And I affirmed my own sense of proper grooming as I stroked my freshly trimmed goatee and ran my fingers through my short(ish) hair, taking in the numerous unkempt beards and pony tails around me. I thought to myself, "If there were a Star Trek Fan Hot Or Not site, I might actually have a chance at being a 10. Maybe even an 11 out of 10!" The only other guy in my area that I thought had a chance was this gentleman who bore a slight resemblance to a younger, thinner Viggo Mortensen.

Of course, I kid at the expense of the other fans. Because, let's face it, even Star Trek nerds make fun of Star Trek nerds. Ringers, on the other hand, well the jury may still be out on them.

Yarr, once again it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! And I promise ye this: Should I catch any of you scurvy dogs lollygaggin' about and NOT talkin' like a scourge of the seven seas, I'll make ye walk the plank!

YARR!!

This weekend I was involved in a somewhat controversial discussion over the proper way to make an ice cream float. Allow me present the situation:

At a gathering of friends, the hosts had graciously provided dinner, snacks, and dessert to enjoy throughout the evening. I had stuffed myself with pizza and various appetizers, yet I felt I would be doing a disservice to dessert if I didn't help myself to a little. An entire serving of ice cream felt excessive, so I thought instead I might construct a float. I grabbed a two liter of Cherry Coke, poured in into a glass, and then topped it with a delicious looking scoop of ice cream. Throughout the process I was derided for my ingredients and technique. Here were the major complaints:

1) You can't use Cherry Coke for a float.
2) Everyone knows that you put the ice cream in first, then the beverage.
3) You may only use certain ice creams, and not one that is "chunky".

Well, as you can probably guess, I scoffed at these restrictions, vocal about my feelings that they were, in fact, ridiculous. I defended my decisions with the following logic (though I fear it fell on deaf ears):

1) Coke floats are perfectly acceptable, and delicious, though perhaps less common than the well-known "Root Beer Float". Cherry Coke is especially tasty in a float because, well, it has cherry in it.
2) Adding ice cream to the glass first before the beverage is a common mistake among amateur float-makers. Pouring a carbonated beverage over cold ice cream causes it to invariably foam. This foam takes up precious space in the glass, skewing the important beverage-to-ice-cream ratio. The foam itself has little or no flavor (being mostly air) and thus provides no benefit to the drink. The party I was arguing with was adamant that the foam is what made it a float, but I dismissed that, pointing out that it is the equivalent to a beer drawn incorrectly from a tap (i.e. bearing too much head).
3) Any ice cream is acceptable for a float so long as it suits the drinker's taste. Mine happened to feature little chocolate "turtles" filled with caramel, which, in the opinion of my host, made it unacceptable for floats. On the contrary, such ice creams are quite enjoyable as the chunks (be they turtles, peanuts, miniature peanut butter cups, etc.) settle out, to be enjoyed with a spoon at the conclusion of the float.

I have no doubt that for all the reasons above I did not err in the creation and enjoyment of my delicious dessert beverage. What do you think?

Tags: Dessert, Food, Ice Cream Float

Tonight I am going to see Leonard Nimoy speak on "his role in the history of Star Trek, its origins and how a new genre for television and movies was created". As a card carrying Trekker, I felt somewhat obligated to attend, even though it conflicts with a well-established game night.

Sorry fellas, you'll have to do without me tonight. I don't really have a choice: the original cast is getting near their expiration date.

I'm curious to hear what Mr. Nimoy will have to say about the show and its legacy, as well as his part in it. After all, Mr. Spock is one of the more iconic characters in television history. Plus he's in that Information Society song, which I think above everything else, really cemented his place in pop culture.

The last time I went to a talk at this venue there was a book signing afterward. I wonder if Leonard will do the same (though I suppose "I'm Not Spock" is probably out of print). If so, I almost certainly have to stand in line, but I have nothing for him to sign. At least nothing distinctly Spock-ish. I suppose I could have him sign my copy of the video game Civilization IV, in which he provided voice-over narration.

"I really loved you as... you know... the encyclopedia guy in the game. I was all like, 'Wow... Mr. Spock really knows a lot about history'."

A friend warned me not to go up to him and say, "Live long and prosper" which, fortunately, I have enough sense not to do in person. But the question does remain: what does a fan say to someone like Leonard Nimoy upon meeting them? I'm sure he's heard it all:

"Did you ever sit in The Chair when Kirk wasn't looking?"

"That Pon farr sure is a bitch, ain't it?"

"What was it like having your soul trapped in McCoy's body?"

"I never really watched that Star Trek thing, but I loved 'In Search Of...'!"

Obviously, he's tired of these questions. I wracked my brain for some time, but I think I've finally figured out what I'll ask him, if the unlikely chance arises:

"So, Mr. Nimoy, what was up with 'The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins'? Seriously?"

(Happy 40th Anniversary, Star Trek!)

For the past few days, Blogger had my blog flagged as being a "Spam Blog". Apparently WITFITS looked suspicious to their crawler bot. Spam blogs usually work on the premise of linking to an inordinate number of other sites (or a single site numerous times) in order to game search engine results.

I assure you, WITFITS is not a spam blog.

Sure, my posts may ramble on from time to time, segueing from topic to topic like a caffeinated monkey with a keyboard swinging through the electric jungle (too much?). And sure, I may post nonsensical so-called witticism such as "My apartment smells funny" and "I learned a neat trick with soap in the bathtub" from whatever reeking literary bog such things breed in, but I'm not spamming. At least not in the most heinous sense. And if I am... well, I'm doing a very poor job at it.

Seriously, all Blogger had to do is ask anyone I've linked too if they've gotten "WITFITS" as a referrer. Their combined response of "WIT-who-now?" would have been evidence enough.

I promise this will be the last September 11th post for this year. Then we will return to lighter subjects as per usual.

September 11th, 2001, was a difficult time for everyone in the United States. What was important just days before now seemed trivial. Many comedians found themselves unsure of what to do in wake of the disaster; although the country needed to laugh at that time more than ever, how could one joke at such a time? Late night television hosts such as Conan O'Brien and David Letterman, who both shoot their shows in New York, returned to the air days after the trajedy, still visibly shaken, expressing the pain that we all felt, and apologizing that they didn't yet know how to be funny again. Letterman asked his audience how the attacks of September 11th made any "goddamn sense".

Jon Stewart, whose news program spoof The Daily Show also shoots in New York, returned in similar fashion expressing his pain and thoughts on the matter. This year was the first time I had seen his post 9/11 response and, although you all known I am a totaly Jon Stewart fanboy ("man-crush" has been suggested), I have to say it's incredible. He delivers a powerful, personal, and very emotional reflection of the events, and although it is almost heartbreaking to watch, he ends it with a wonderful message of hope that embodies the American spirit and encourages us to move on.

Take ten minutes out of your day and watch Jon Stewart's post 9-11 speech.

WORLD TRADE CENTER
Gordon M. Aamoth, Jr. * Edelmiro Abad * Maria Rose Abad * Andrew Anthony Abate * Vincent Abate * Laurence Christopher Abel * William F. Abrahamson * Richard Anthony Aceto * Jesus Acevedo Rescand * Heinrich Bernhard Ackermann * Paul Acquaviva * Donald LaRoy Adams * Patrick Adams * Shannon Lewis Adams * Stephen George Adams * Ignatius Udo Adanga * Christy A. Addamo * Terence E. Adderley, Jr. * Sophia Buruwad Addo * Lee Allan Adler * Daniel Thomas Afflitto * Emmanuel Akwasi Afuakwah * Alok Agarwal * Mukul Kumar Agarwala * Joseph Agnello * David Scott Agnes * Brian G. Ahearn * Jeremiah Joseph Ahern * Joanne Marie Ahladiotis * Shabbir Ahmed * Terrance Andre Aiken * Godwin Ajala * Gertrude M. Alagero * Andrew Alameno * Margaret Ann Alario * Gary M. Albero * Jon Leslie Albert * Peter Alderman * Jacquelyn Delaine Aldridge * David D. Alger * Sarah Ali-Escarcega * Ernest Alikakos * Edward L. Allegretto * Eric Allen * Joseph Ryan Allen * Richard Dennis Allen * Richard Lanard Allen * Christopher E. Allingham * Janet M. Alonso * Arturo Alva-Moreno * Anthony Alvarado * Antonio Javier Alvarez * Victoria Alvarez-Brito * Telmo E. Alvear * Cesar Amoranto Alviar * Tariq Amanullah * Angelo Amaranto * James M. Amato Joseph Amatuccio * Christopher Charles Amoroso * Kazuhiro Anai * Calixto Anaya, Jr. * Joseph Anchundia * Kermit Charles Anderson * Yvette Constance Anderson * John Andreacchio * Michael Rourke Andrews * Jean Ann Andrucki * Siew-Nya Ang * Joseph Angelini, Jr. * Joseph Angelini, Sr. * Laura Angilletta * Doreen J. Angrisani * Lorraine Antigua * Peter Paul Apollo * Faustino Apostol, Jr. * Frank Thomas Aquilino * Patrick Michael Aranyos * David Arce * Michael George Arczynski * Louis Arena * Adam P. Arias * Michael Armstrong * Jack Charles Aron * Joshua Aron * Richard Avery Aronow * Japhet Jesse Aryee * Patrick Asante * Carl Asaro * Michael Asciak * Michael Edward Asher * Janice Marie Ashley * Thomas J. Ashton * Manuel O. Asitimbay * Gregg Arthur Atlas * Gerald T. Atwood * James Audiffred * Louis Frank Aversano, Jr. * Ezra Aviles * Sandy Ayala * Arlene T. Babakitis * Eustace P. Bacchus * John J. Badagliacca * Jane Ellen Baeszler * Robert J. Baierwalter * Andrew J. Bailey * Brett T. Bailey * Tatyana Bakalinskaya * Michael S. Baksh * Sharon M. Balkcom * Michael Andrew Bane * Katherine Bantis * Gerard Baptiste * Walter Baran * Gerard A. Barbara * Paul Vincent Barbaro * James William Barbella * Ivan Kyril