No wonder dating is such a pain in the ass. The following comes from the highly recommended book, Freakanomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner. At one point they take a brief look at dating and how people present themselves, what people generally look for, and why therefore they need to stretch the truth. In this instance they talk about a study done of online dating sites (Match.com, Yahoo Personals, etc.) Emphasis added.

     "Getting a date is hard enough as it is. Fifty-seven percent of the men who post ads don't receive even one e-mail; 23 percent of the women don't get a single response. The traits that do draw a big response, meanwhile, will not be a big surprise to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the sexes. In fact, the preferences expressed by online daters fit snugly with the most common stereotypes about men and women.
     For instance, men who say they want a long term relationship do much better than men looking for an occasional lover. But women looking for an occasional lover do great. For men, a man's income is terribly important. The richer a man is, the more e-mails he receives. But a woman's income appeal is a bell-shaped curve: men do not want to date low-earning women, but once a woman starts earning too much, they seem to be scared off. Men want to date students, artists, musicians, veterinarians, and celebrities (while avoiding secretaries, retirees, and women in the military and law enforcement). Women do want to date military men, policemen, and firemen (possibly a result of 9/11 Effect...), along with lawyers and financial executives. Women avoid laborers, actors, students, and men who work in food services or hospitality. For men, being short is a big disadvantage (which is probably why so many lie about it), but weight doesn't much matter. For women, being overweight is deadly (which is probably why they lie). For a man, having red hair or curly hair is a downer, as is baldness--but a shaved head is okay. For a woman, salt-and-pepper hair is bad, while blond hair on a woman is worth about the same as having a college degree--and, with $100 dye job versus $100,000 tuition bill, an awful lot cheaper."

<minor rant>
Come on, ladies, we shorter guys need love too! What's up with not wanting to go out with anyone under (a freakish) 5'10"? From my experience, everything lines up better when you are eye to eye. And we can't all be doctors and lawyers, or else who would fix your computers and program your Internet chat clients? I've always felt that women have all the control when it comes to dating. It seems to me (and this is probably just my naive perspective) that single guys are a dime a dozen, but single women are hard to find. And half of the one's that are taken seem to be wasting their time with loser boyfriends. I read recently that women can fall into the trap of passing up perfectly dateable guys because the pool of available men is so large for them that they feel they can wait for a "better guy" to come along. The problem is, I am that perfectly dateable guy! Not that I'm bitter or anything...
</minor rant>

Sorry, ladies, you know I love you. I didn't mean to over generalize. And yes, men appear to be just as picky (and more shallow), which is why I included the whole text and not just the part that piqued my interest. But for the record, I've always preferred redheads with a college degree to blonds without a clue.

Could be worse, I could be this woman.

Tags: Book, Dating, Freakanomics, Ramblings

Previously, on WITFITS:
Simmons: We're picking up some really strange sounds.
Brain: What the hell is that?
Vascular Routing: THEY'RE HAVING SEX!
Terrence: Perhaps a squirrel in the rafters, or a rat running in the walls.
Williams: Or a bag of lemmings in a dunk tank!
Brain: Whatever it is, it doesn't seem serious enough to warrant investigating further.
And now, the conclusion...

A few weeks later:
Brain: That was some workout, don't you think Gladys?
Gladys: If you say so, sir.
Brain: You don't think so? Our heart is beating, the blood is pumping, have you ever felt more alive?
Gladys: I've been at this a long time, sir, I'm lucky if I can feel anything anymore. Speaking of which, how about granting me some time off?
Brain: I'll keep it in mind, but you're the only one who knows how to run everything around here. I'd be lost without you.
Gladys: And don't you forget it.... sir. Should I tell Motor Control to double-time it back to the apartment?
Brain: No, they've worked hard enough today, they need a break. Tell them to go to condition "Stroll"--we'll take a leisurely walk past the other apartments and enjoy the sunshine.

Meanwhile, in Optics:
Iris: It's a beautiful day today, don't you think?
Ira: Judging beauty isn't really our job, is it? There's another department for that.
Iris: Oh, come on, you can't tell me you don't enjoy sitting back and taking this all in?
Ira: Well, I did have a keen interest in the scenery we just left.
Iris: The weight room? We spent most of our time there sitting on an exercise bike. All you could see was the backsides of a bunch of fit young women while they worked out.
Ira: Exactly.
Iris: You've been hanging around Johnson too much.
Ira: What can I say, I like the way he thinks.
Iris: Funny, I never thought thinking was his strong suit. Hello, what's this? Motor Control, this is Optics, I need you to pan left forty-five degrees.
Ira: You want to take a peek into that open garage? How very voyeuristic. I didn't know you had it in you.
Iris: I don't. But I am curious. Isn't this where they heard all those strange noises a couple of weeks ago? I don't think the Big Guy ever reached a satisfactory conclusion about what it was.
Ira: Rumor has it that it was a couple, you know, gettin' it on.
Iris: I'd roll our eyes at that remark if I wasn't more concerned with getting a good look. What the... are you seeing this?
Ira: That's a rhetorical question, right?
Iris: Yea... sorry. Gladys, Optics here, can you patch us through to the boss, he'll definitely be interested in this. Ira, I hate to trouble you to do some actual work, but direct our feed through to the Visual Cortex and have them consult with Logic and Reasoning.

Brain: All right, the picture is coming through, but somebody help me make sense of it. Visual?
Visual Cortex: It's the inside of a garage, sir.
Brain: That much I figured. Can you be a little more specific?
Visual Cortex: Well, clearly there isn't a car parked inside.
Brain: You have an unbelievably great grasp of the obvious.
Visual Cortex: Thank you, sir. Also, you can see that there is a coop in the back, a rather large one.
Gladys: The boys in Auditory are reporting in, sir. Sporadic reports of cooing and some flapping noises.
Logic & Reasoning: If I may interrupt. I have cross-referenced those items (the cage and the noises) with Data Access and Retrieval. I believe we are looking at a "pigeon coop".
Brain: Good work, Trent. Stick around, we may need you.
Logic & Reasoning: Terrence, sir.
Brain: Hermann, continue.
Visual Cortex: Well, sir, other than that there isn't much, it's a little too dark to see. Wait, there is something else. It looks like a folding chair of some kind and... and there's someone sitting in it!
Brain: Gladys, send word to Motor Control immediately: Tell them to enact protocol "Caught Peeking" and--
Visual Cortex: --Wait, sir, it's okay. The individual, a male, is looking the other way. He appears to be intent on the coop.
Brain: So let me get this straight. It's the middle of the Summer. The average temperature has been...
Thermal Regulation: Eight-five to ninety degrees Fahrenheit.
Brain: ...in the eighties and nineties. And we're witnessing a garage, ostensibly a structure for housing vehicles, being used as a storage place for pigeons? What am I supposed to make of this? Who is this guy and what could he possibly be doing?
Data Access & Retrieval: It's Deebo!
Brain: Beg your pardon?
Steve: Sorry, sir, this is Steve from Retrieval. I was doing a quick search and I think it's Deebo. He had a pigeon coop!
Brain: Steve, I appreciate your input, but I think you may be jumping the gun, here.
Steve: It's gotta be him. Quick, tuck in your chain and hide your valuables!
Gladys: (aside) Here we go.
Brain: For starters, Deebo is a six-foot-five, two hundred and seventy five pound black man. Second, he lives in South Central, L.A. Third, and this is perhaps the most important point, he is a fictional character played by Tiny 'Zeus' Lister, Jr.
Steve: It kinda looks like the back of his head.
Brain: No it doesn't, and you're an idiot. Does the peanut gallery have anything else to contribute?
Vascular Routing: Maybe he's kinky and gets his jollies by watching his pigeons doin' it birdy style.
Brain: Gladys--
Gladys: --way ahead of ya, boss.
Vascular Routing: ...
Visual Cortex: Maybe he's a falconer, sir.
Logic & Reasoning: That would require him to be training, ahem, falcons. Let the professionals take care of this one, okay?
Emotion Control: I bet he's practicing animal husbandry. This sweet, middle-aged gentleman probably lost his wife years ago and, feeling powerless in the accident that took her life, takes solace in rescuing wounded birds and releasing them back into the wild. What a deer, sweet man.
Brain: A nice sentiment, Mary, but if he were nursing them back to health, why would he keep them in an enclosed, non air-condition garage in the middle of the Summer?
Logic & Reasoning: A typical emotional response. Don't you have our old girlfriends to pine over or sick puppies to worry about, darling?
Emotion Control: Go to Hell, Terry.
Logic & Reasoning: Terrence.
Gladys: Sir, if I may interrupt.
Brain: Please.
Gladys: There are a lot of weird people out there. This is one of them. Standing here gawking ain't gonna get us no answers. Besides, it's giving me the creeps.
Brain: Ah, the voice of reason in a sea of nonsense. Tell Motor Control to get us underway again.
Gladys: Yes, sir. Oh, and Gastric is reporting increase in appetite and suggesting we refuel.
Brain: Indeed. I'm thinking tacos tonight, how does that sound?
Gladys: I'll put the entire Gastrointestinal System on high alert, sir.

Here comes one of those weird "blogging about blogging" posts. Part of me rebels anytime I'm about to post something like this, as if I were about to break the fourth wall or something.

Since I began blogging I've been in a slight quandary over how, or more correctly when, to respond to comments. But let me back up for a sec. My loyal readership (all half dozen or so of you) should know that I read every one of your comments. In fact, I have it set up so that blogger e-mails me the moment you hit "post". How soon I am aware of this depends usually on where I am. If I'm at home, it is often within minutes. If I am at the office it can be anywhere from minutes to hours depending on how hard I am pretending to work. And you should know that I appreciate every bit of feedback you leave.

But when should I reply?

Since the beginning, I've adopted the policy that I wouldn't post any comments myself until a couple days had passed or I had posted a few times since. My logic was as such: if I waited until most of my readers had a chance to sound off, I would conserve space by replying to them all at once instead of one at a time. It also wouldn't artificially inflate my comment count, as if that means something. The disadvantage, of course, is that the kind people posting don't see an immediate response from me and have to scroll back a few days to see if I remarked on what they said.
In some blogs I've read, the comment section is almost like an ongoing discussion, with the readers and author posting back and forth. It does add a nice community feel to each post (a discussion group, if you will), but the comment counts can get high.

So I'd like to ask you, dear readers, what you think. How would you prefer Kato to respond? Do you think my current scheme is fine? Is it sufficient that I reply to all every couple of days? Or would you prefer more immediate feedback? Would you rather I reply as soon as I feel like it (likely right after reading a new comment) instead of waiting?

Let me know what you think. Your feedback, as usual, is encouraged and enjoyed.

Tags: Blogging

Well, I'm convinced.




Tags: Adult, Testicular Health, Video

Almost nine minutes after lifting off from Kennedy Space Center in Florida, Space Shuttle Discovery successfully reached orbit, marking the Shuttle fleet’s return to space. STS-114 is the first mission to fly since the loss of Shuttle Columbia and the STS-107 crew on Feb. 1, 2003.

Discovery and its seven-member crew launched at 10:39 a.m. EDT to begin the two-day journey to the International Space Station. Discovery is slated to dock with the ISS at 7:18 a.m. EDT Thursday.

The mission has several objectives. The STS-114 crew will demonstrate new methods of inspecting and repairing the Shuttle’s thermal protection system. Discovery will deliver supplies to the ISS, and the STS-114 crew will perform three spacewalks. The spacewalks tasks will include tasks to repair and outfit the ISS.

Discovery and its crew are scheduled to return to Earth on Aug. 7 at 5:46 a.m. EDT. - www.NASA.gov

Good luck to the crew of STS-114. Come home safe!

• Launch Video (Real Media)
• Discovery Launch Day Photos
• Launch Timeline
• Return to Flight flash page, with introductions by Scott Bakula (Cpt. Archer, Star Trek Enterprise)

Tags: NASA, Space

About a month ago I treated (tortured) you all with my (seemingly) witty takes on the church sign phenomenon. WITFITS reader Paulius pointed me to a similar site, Tombstone Generator, where I could create, well, tombstones. And so I subject you all again to my attempts at humor:

• R.I.P. Sir Mix-A-Lot
• Gauntlet
• Bitter to the end
• Next time get a better mortician
• What do you want on your tombstone?
• The final score
• Some questions haunt you to the grave
• I don't want to say "I told you so", but...
• Cliches lie
• An honest opinion
• Good advice
• We'll all miss their passing

Tags: Humor, Tombstones

Robin of Chalk Sidewalk is well-aware of my appreciation for Star Wars. She recently sent me a link to a website for Burger King's tie-in with Episode III. The Sith Sense is a flash game in which Darth Vader uses the Force (and twenty questions) to try to guess what you are thinking. I've seen this system in action before, but never with such an appealing front end.

I took it upon myself to test the Dark Lord of the Sith's mettle. I decided on a word that I thought he wouldn't be able to guess. That word was penis. Yea, I know, I have the mind of a fourteen year old.

I went through the game a few times and charted Vader's questions. I found it quite amusing, but then I would. Here's what he asked me, and my responses (either yes, depends, maybe, sometimes, irrelevant, or no), as well as my comments. The following commentary may be inappropriate for relatives or the faint of heart. It is rated "D" for "dick jokes":

1. What are you thinking of? Other.
Of other, animal, vegetable, mineral, and unknown, this seemed the most appropriate. Though it does have a mind of its own, so animal might not be far from the truth.

2. Does it involve contact with other humans? Sometimes.
If I'm lucky.

3. Could it be found in a classroom? Depends.
At least for Mary Kay Letourneau.

4. Can you hold it? Yes.
I ask women that question all the time. Hence the number of restraining orders.

5. Is it hard? Sometimes.
See question 2.

6. Is it heavier than a pound of butter? No.
Imagine swinging that billy club around.

7. Can you play games with it? Yes.
Kato Jr. and I play Monopoly every Thursday. He likes to be the thimble.

8. Does it deal with imagination? Maybe.
When I pee I imagine I'm a fireman and it's a fire house. I'm a hero every time I step foot in the bathroom.

9. Does it play music? No.
Well, I guess you could consider it an accomplished pianist.

10. Can it bend without breaking? Sometimes.
I'm not planning on researching this one too thoroughly.

11. Does it come in many varieties? Depends.
Well, there's light, dry, extra dark, malt, sugar free, caffeine free, low sodium, and regular.

12. Is it white? Sometimes.
It's not like it goes on vacation to Florida every year and gets a tan.

13. Is it originally from Europe? Irrelevant.
Although Great Britain is the home of Spotted Dick.

14. Is it used in a sport? No.
If there were a sport associated with it, I would be relegated to water boy.

15. Do you use it at night? Sometimes.
Depends on what you're dreaming about.

16. Is it electronic? Sometimes.
Aww, yea, this question was just for the ladies.

17. I'm thinking it's a game? No.
That's right folks, it's Penis: The Game! Try to get ahead in the longest, hardest game of the year!

18. Would you use it daily? Depends.
See question 4.

19. Is it something you can purchase? Maybe.
See question 16.

20. I'm thinking it's a muscle? Close.
A love muscle, that is!

21. Can it be played? Maybe.
This one's too easy. Insert fellatio joke here.

22. Is it used for communications? Depends.
If you're asking whether or not I can use it to dial a phone, then yes. But if you are asking if I have ever used it to dial a phone, then... yes.

23. Can you get information by using it? Maybe.
I'll tell you everything I know, just keep that thing away from me.

24. Are there many different sorts of it? Maybe.
Some are big, some are small. Some wear sweaters, some do not. Most have one or two close friends. Wait, never mind, I'm thinking of midgets.

25. Is it smaller than a loaf of bread? Yes.
Dear god, imagine how embarrassing those middle-school gym shorts would be if you were holstering that baby.

26. Can it fit in an envelope? Irrelevant .
I'm not willing to endure the paper cuts to find out.

27. Can you switch it on and off? No.
It has a mind of its own.

28. Is it used in a game? Maybe.
Although none of my friends want to come over for board game night because of that fact.

29. I'm thinking it's a tarot card? No.
Swing and a miss.

30. I'm thinking it's a water balloon? No.
Oh, I'm so sorry, but you'll be sure to receive some lovely parting gifts.

I tried again just to see what might happen another time:

1. What are you thinking of? Other.
I'm kinda surprised Vader doesn't come out and say, "And for God's sake, don't choose a penis. I hate when people do that."

2. Does it help accomplish tasks? Maybe.
Me and Kato Jr. built a shed together last weekend. Good times.

3. Is it a common household object? Maybe.
I doubt you'd find it between the can opener and the egg whisks, though.

4. Does it have writing on it? No.
Though I suppose someone could put like one of those Mad Magazine fold-ins on the side.

5. Do you use it in public? No.
As per the court order.

6. Do you use it at night? Sometimes.
I can't bear to make a second nocturnal emission joke. Yes, I said nocturnal emission. I'm sorry.

7. Is it a body part? Yes.
Hey, somebody's been doing their homework!

8. Is it straight? Sometimes.
At least I haven't caught it critiquing my choice in clothes and listening to Tori Amos... yet.

9. Is it shaped like a hot dog? Yes.
At this point, wouldn't you think Vader knows what it is?

10. Can you smell it? Depends.
They didn't have an option for, "God, I hope not."

11. Is it originally from Europe? No.
What body part could you possibly name that originated in Europe? Unless, of course, you're a European in which case I guess all of your body parts would fit that description.

12. Can it discharge waste? Yes.
Mine takes the garbage out to the dumpster every weekend.

13. Does it have a long neck? Sometimes.
It's the giraffe of body parts. Or the turtle.

14. Does it burn? Depends.
...on whether or not I took my Penicillin.

15. Can it bend without breaking? Sometimes.
I don't recommend tying it in a knot. It's hard to explain to the EMTs.

16. Is it hard? Sometimes.
Depends on if I'm drunk or not.

17. I'm thinking it's a muscle? Close.
Did you know that the largest muscle in the body is the Gluteus Maximus? Next time someone asks me why I'm always sitting around on my butt doing nothing I can tell them to screw off, I'm exercising.

18. Can you sit on it? Yes.
I can't count the number of times I've been slapped for asking this one.

19. Is it white? Sometimes.
You can tell by how straight it stands up and the fact that it has no rhythm.

20. I'm thinking it's something to do with sex? Close.
By jove, he's almost got it!

21. Can it be dried? Maybe.
I recommend using a towel, not a hair dryer. Just a suggestion. And why is this the follow up to "I'm thinking it's something to do with sex"?

22. Can you find it in a church? Irrelevant .
Depends, is it Catholic?

23. I'm thinking it's wiener schnitzel. Close.
Is that what the Germans are calling it these days?

24. Would you find it in an office? Sometimes.
Depends on what you are willing to do to get ahead. Hmmm, no pun intended.

25. I'm thinking it's something to do with sex? Close.
I'm thinking you asked me that already.

26. Is it small? Sometimes.
Why, who told you it was small? Was it Mary? Cause she's a vindictive bitch.

27. I'm thinking it's a urethra? Close.
You're missing the big picture here, buddy. Think bigger. Well, not that much bigger.

28. Could it be found in a classroom? Sometimes.
Particularly at Screw U.

29. I'm thinking it has something to do with sex. Yes.
Okay, okay, I give in. I guess I can't get him to say penis. For a guy who dressed in black and wears a mask, he's awfully prudish.

I tried it a out a few more times just to see what types of questions I could get. One other one stood out: "Do you put it in your mouth?" Goodnight everybody!

Tags: Adult, Humor, Star Wars

I encountered a really cool trick in the shower just now. I discovered that if you drop a relatively hefty bar of wet soap on one side of the shower it will hit the curved side of the tub, travel along the bottom, and up the other side like a half pipe! The first time was purely by accident and somehow it actually slipped under the shower curtain and flew out onto the bathroom floor. Awesome!

So everybody try this extreme bar of soap skate trick the next time you're in the shower. Go for distance.

Tags: Random

What is it a