"Four million years ago creatures from the planet Cybertron crash-landed on Earth, mechanical creatures of great technical sophistication: Autobots."

I have many fond childhood memories, not the least of which are the hours I spent watching cartoons (and the many more spent recreating those adventures with licensed toys and my active imagination). I fought alongside Duke and the rest of the Joes to foil Cobra Commander's latest scheme to take over the world. By the power of Greyskull, I was He-Man, and Skeletor ran scared. I donned the eponymous M.A.S.K. and rode with Matt Trakker (and sometimes Scott and T-Bot) to defeat Miles Mayhem and the agents of V.E.N.O.M. Penny, Brain, and I even kept Inspector Gadget on the right track in his latest case (but never managed to catch up with Dr. Claw).

And then there was Transformers.

It original incarnation (now dubbed Generation 1) may be my favorite childhood cartoon, though in a league with such other weighty contenders, it's hard to say definitively. If you were growing up during that time, as I was, it would be hard not to love the Transformers. The transforming sound effect alone I imitated hundreds of times in my youth. It had a great theme song and a diverse cast of characters, including one with what has to be the coolest sounding voice ever: Soundwave. What's more, the bad guys were truly bad. Megatron, leader of the Decipticons, was ruthless and deliciously evil. His second in command, Starscream, was a coward, but willing to back-stab anyone at the drop of a hat. You just don't get those kinds of characters anymore.

In the process of reminiscing a few weeks ago I decided to watch Transformers: The Movie, which originally hit theaters in the U.S. in August of 1986. While I would be hard pressed to say it was a good movie (then or now), it still brought back many memories. It features a star-powered cast (Judd Nelson, Orson Welles, Leonard Nimoy, Eric Idle, Casey Kasem, Robert Stack and Frank Welker) and surprisingly doesn't pull many punches. Transformers get obliterated left and right in the movie, either in battle or, in one scene, by being dissolved alive in large vats of acid (kinda scary stuff for a kids movie). The dialogue wouldn't fly today, considering the fact that Megatron yells "Die, Autobots!" at one point and tells Optimus Prime that he'll crush him with his bare hands and rip out his optics. One of my favorite scenes, in fact, shows just how brutal his character is. Megatron is badly damaged and is reforged partway through the movie as Galvatron (voiced by Nimoy). In the meantime, Starscream has declared himself new leader of the Decipticons. Galvatron arrives at the ceremony and, well, let's let the script speak for itself:

Galvatron: Coronation, Starscream? This is bad comedy.
Starscream: Megatron? Is that you?
Galvatron: Here's a hint.
Galvatron transforms and disintegrates Starscream.

Classic.

Of course the movie also features a scene that was absolutely gut-wrenching as a kid: the death of Optimus Prime. Prime was, in fact, absolutely kick ass. The tragedy of his cinematic death is surpassed only by the destruction of the Enterprise-D in Star Trek: Generations or the fall of Gandalf in The Fellowship of the Ring. If it weren't so damn expensive, I'd probably get this 20th Anniversary Optimus Prime. It comes with the Matrix of Leadership and Prime's rarely-seen Energon Axe. Mmm, tasty!

In writing this post I came across several interesting links. Here's Prime winning the Presidential election. There's a story of a National Guardsman from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio (go figure), who legally changed his name to honor the Autobot commander. I found this pretty sweet pic of the main man from a book called "Transformers: The Ultimate Guide". And finally, I came across a very catchy tune called, "Let's Roll 2", by Tony Bacala, which would be my personal theme song, if I had one.

There are also plans in the works for a live-action (with CG) Transformers movie to debut in 2007. Sound promising, plus it can't be any worse than Dolph Lundgren's crappy "Masters of the Universe", right?