You all know the drill by now. Let's see what the log files are saying...

adam sessler - ...is one lucky son of a bitch.

albino wooly bear caterpillar - I was pretty certain I had completely made up this variant of Ohio's commonly seen Fall caterpillar. But, hey, maybe it hangs out with Bigfoot in the Appalachians or something.

birthday rap
Let me try to put this in terms you can understand,
The Kato is big, but you, you're a small man,
My rhymes were written, words were spit and were well spun,
Hundreds of worldly well-wrought words when work was done
It started off small and then grew to a phenomenon
on and on, ever growing till it became an ongoing
saga of drama, in rhyme a diorama,
in time a fine biography, a modern form of augury,
But all that's good can't escape the final trend,
For all good things bow to fate and thus end.

bmx bike tricking dvds - It would be hard for me to think of a series of search terms less likely to bring you to WITFITS than this. Even four words chosen completely at random like "rhino toothbrush marzipan filament" are more likely than a query about bmx tricks. Who do I look like, Bob Haro?

bring out your dead t-shirt - My t-shirt is dead? Ahh, that's what that smell is. It's not dead, yet...

Bynar text converter - 01001110 01100101 01110010 01100100 00101110

+"cascading style sheets suck" - There, there, it's okay, we'll get through this together. What's with the leading plus sign, are you using reverse Polish notation or something?

chloroformed bikinis - Give it up, people.

chloroformed clips - I'm not kidding.

chloroformed truck driver - La, la, la, I'm not listening!

chloroformed video - Geeze, you people are depraved. Stop clicking on WITFITS, you're really, really, barking up the wrong tree here. I don't know anything about chloroform. What's that? What rag? Oh, the one I have here by my desk? Oh, it's nothing, it just has a sample of my favorite perfume splashed on it. Here, want to smell it? I'm thinking of implementing a scracth-n-sniff version of the blog for people who stumble across it accidentally...

"Creepy Old Pedophile" Herbert +"family guy" sound clip - Why would anyone want a sound clip of Herbert, he is, as the query itself states, a creepy old pedophile. Besides, the greased-up deaf guy is funnier.

dating military men - ...brings new meaning to the phrase "serving our country"?

definition kato technique - First, take it out. Chances are it will be stiff (especially when you first wake up), so you might want to take some time rubbing it down first. It's sensitive, so be gentle, and don't try bending it too far, you might hurt something. You're going to want to protect yourself by covering it up before you get to work. Get out whatever is appropriate for the occasion and start at the tip, slowly unrolling until you've covered the whole thing. It's pretty hard to cover it up wrong, though you should make sure you haven't turned it inside out. Once that's taken care of you can pretty much put it wherever you want without worry. And that's how you put on a sock in the morning.

examples of neologisms - Okay, I'll throw you a bone. serendippingsauce: A fortuitous event involving reaching into one's McDonald's bag and finding they have given you not one but two containers of Sweet and Sour for your McNuggets.

"Feelin' hot hot hot, yes" - Begone, Buster Poindexter, or I shall be forced to destroy you!

flying spaghetti monster buddy icon - Ooh, does such a thing exist? Why yes, it does:


groinal response - Wouldn't it suck if "groinal response" was something doctors checked during routine physicals by using that tomahawk-shaped reflex hammer to wail on your crotch?

G,UCH{ZBSS3{OS{SE469LG.gif - Indeed. Well, uh, H.VDI(ACTT4(PT(TF570MH.jpg right back at ya.

hi jinks.com - Hey, no free advertising.

i saw a ghost in hocking hills - Naw, dude, that was me. I'm a computer guy, we're always this pasty white.

is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch t-shirt - Possibly the best t-shirt evar, if it existed.

"Kanye West" and "jackass" - Roca-Fella Rapper Kanye West teams up with the ever unpredictable Steve-O and they take the country by storm with their wild antics! Watch in horror and awe as Kanye accuses various government officials of being racist while Steveo-O staples his scrotum to his leg. Entertainment at its finest.

KATO - Yay, you found me!

kato sellers - I advise you to only purchase your Crazy Funtime Happy Joy Action Kato (the Home Version) at certified retailers. Accept no imitations!

"LITTLE APRIL" - Yes, it's true, I once went by the stage name "Little April". But I needed the money to pay for college.

little hercules strongest boys - Hmm, sounds like an idea for a television show pitched with the line "Think 'Our Gang', but replace childish naivety with raisin-sized testes and 'roid rage."

methadone picture - For someone who is addicted to looking at pictures of heroine, I suppose.

methadone smell - Nah, man, that's not methadone, it's carbon monoxide. Don't worry, you get used to it after awhile.

morgan's webb - Clever play on words, don't you think?

morgan webb - She's not here. And if she were, I wouldn't share her.

morgan webb sex - Yes, because the word "sex" isn't completely worthless when searching the Internet.

morgan webb sexy - Well, duh.

"morgan webb" AND sexy - Adding "sexy" to your query is superfluous. That would be like search for "barry bonds" AND asshole.

movie online about cheerleaders motions - Much like a query last month about video vixens, if I had access to such a video or the means to make such a video, I wouldn't be wasting my time blogging about search engine referrals. But if you find a copy of the tape, will you dub one for me?

naughty wife images share posterboard - Dude, seriously, I have no idea where those pictures of your wife came from. I mean, when I downloaded GreatSetOfHooters.jpg I thought it was, uh, something from an ornithological site about owls. Of course, yea, I probably shouldn't have printed it out and blown it up at Kinko's and then posted it at the community mail stop. In retrospect, that was a mistake... I should have gone somewhere else, it would have been cheaper.

nice librarian teasing pics - Although I won't argue with the appeal of the sexy nerd look, there are no such pictures posted here, unless Miss Scarlet is trying to make some extra spending money, in which case I do not approve... unless we split it 50/50. Also, there's a Dewey Decimal System joke in here someplace but I don't know where.

nicest tits on the web - Why thank you. They're real you know.

Noodly Appendege - I can honestly say it's never been called that before.

not much to look at dating - True, but I have a great personality.

"novelty tombstones" - You mean like this one?

retail sucks compusa - I wholeheartedly endorse such a fallatious relationship. However, since CompUSA is the dirty whore, I would think it would be the other way around.

right said fred - I'll take "The Day the Music Died" for $500, Alex.

She's A Good Steak, Charlie Brown - No joke necessary.

scruffy looking nerf herder - Heyyy... who's scruffy lookin'?

soft batch cookies plastic - I haven't heard such a dastardly lie since Count Chocula claimed that Cap'N Crunch cereal cut the roof of your mouth! (Thanks Family Guy).

states with similar climates as ohio - Many people don't know this but, just as there is a West Virginia, there is also a West Ohio. The natives call it "Indiana" which I believe is Algonquin for "The Land of Many Hardee's".

Stupid tie-ins - Like when David Hasselhoff appeared as himself on that episode of Diff'rent Strokes and saved Arnold from almost being blown up?

"target" attribute won't validate - I know a cheap pick-up line when I hear one.

t-shirts that say picky - Your search - t-shirts that say picky - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
- Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
- Try different keywords.
- Try more general keywords.
- Try not to be so picky.

typing caps mean - I think Frankenstein over here had his feelings hurt by someone's inconsiderate use of uppercase.

viral video - You'll be safe if you just slap a condom over your modem.

why dating geeks is better - Where are you and why haven't you called me yet? There are numerous reasons why dating a geek is the ideal choice for any single young woman. Here are a few:

• A geek will appreciate you, because we are just happy to be with a living, breathing woman.
• A geek is always polite because women are rare among our kind and have an almost mythical air to them. The exception to this politeness rule is if the heated "Kirk vs. Picard" debate is raised, in which case the geek will defend his position at all costs.
• A geek won't cheat on you because we have no reason to. You just talking to us has already made us the envy of all our friends and fulfilled fantasies we thought only existed in Science Fiction and Graphic Novels. Also, who would we cheat on you with, seriously?
• Geeks won't ever treat you badly, since we've spent our whole lives dealing with bullies, we know how it feels.
• Geeks are very gentlemanly, as we think ourselves a higher class of man than the lowly common cad. Also we don't want to offend you or scare you off.
• Geeks are great lovers because we're pretty sure you'll be the last woman we'll ever see naked, so we're going to enjoy every minute while we can.
• Geeks are very knowledgeable and can provide you with a wealth of information, whether you ask for it or not.
• Geeks will fix your computer and show you how to download free music.

rib burnoffs - ...are awesome?

SLOGAN FOR RIB COOKOFFS - How about "If your name is Kato, you eat free"?

"tracking google searches" - Irony, thy name is WITFITS.

were you touched by His Noodly Appendege? - You bet! And unlike in the Catholic Church, I'm not ashamed of it!

www.e-hormoney.com - Try our new Pheremone Attraction Matching System where we send you a bunch of t-shirts worn by potential mates and you tell us which one you're most attracted to!

"what happened to" "randall glass" - Good question. I have no idea. Of course I don't know who he is. If it helps, though, Ron Glass from Barney Miller went on to play Shephard Book in Joss Whedon's Serenity.

"x play" voice - ...sucks. The original was way better. Imagine if Waylon Jennings had died during the production of the Dukes of Hazzard television show and his role as The Balladeer had been filled by, I dunno, Al Gore. Yea.


Previous Search Engine Goodness: [1][2][3].

Tags: Humor, Internet, Referrals