From: Heller [retard@spammer.com]
To: Kato Katonian [kato@
nicetry.com]
Subject: Has your PC suddenly become very slow?
WARNING!YOU'RE IN DANGER!ALL YOU DO WITH COMPUTER IS STORED FOREVER IN YOUR HARD DISK. WHEN YOU VISIT SITES, SEND EMAILS... ALL YOUR ACTIONS ARE LOGGED. AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE THEM WITH STANDARD TOOLS. YOUR DATA IS STILL AVAILABLE FOR FORENSICS. AND IN SOME CASES FOR YOUR BOSS, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR WIFE, YOUR CHILDREN.Every site you or somebody or even something, like spyware, opened in your browser, with all images, and all downloaded and maybe later removed movies or mp3 songs -
ARE STILL THERE and could broke your life!
SECURE YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!
REMOVE ALL SPYWARE FROM YOUR PC!
Removal instructions
Holy fucking shit! Oh Jesus! Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh sweet crap, this can't be happening? All? ALL? Shit. Shit shit shit! What am I gonna do?!
Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Get a grip. Get a hold of yourself. Take a deep breath...
Oh my God, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
Calm down. Calm down. It's okay. You just... you just need to stop and think for a second. You just need to approach this with a level head. Deep, soothing breaths. I am a hallow reed. I am a hollow reed.
But, Jesus, ALL of it? I need to remove it! I MUST remove it! My every action? Every site, image, and MP3? Still there?? Shit! But I deleted those files. They... they just have to be gone.
Man, what am I gonna do? I'm screwed, this stuff is stored forever in my hard disk. All those websites, all those emails--it's impossible to remove them! What... what if my boss finds out? Or my friends? Or... God... my wife and children?! I don't... I can't... I... I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating.
I should have known. Dammit, I should have known! Why did I ever buy this computer? Why did I ever think I could surf the web, send e-mails, or download shit? Why?? I was such a fool. And now there's nothing I can do, everything I've ever done is still available for forensics. I should have seen this coming. I should have known that this could someday broke my life. I've gotta do something. Maybe... maybe I could just disappear. Yea, yea that might work. I won't tell anyone where I'm going. Honduras, maybe, or... or Switzerland. Yea, I like clocks and chocolate. Shit, no! I'm writing this on a computer, now they'll know. Isn't there anything I can do? I can't possibly reformat the drive or, you know, physically destroy it. Won't someone please send me an unsolicited e-mail to sell me a product that will solve all of my paranoid fears??
Wait, what's this? Why, is it the answer to my prayers, perhaps? I can just follow this link and all of my problems will be solved. God bless you, random internet spamming company, for saving my job, my marriage, and my life. Why didn't I do this before?
Oh yea, cause I'm not a complete fucking idiot who falls for the ploys of fear-mongering asshole spammers. Get the hell out of my inbox. Oh, and give my regards to
Paul A. Davis.
Tags: Humor, Spam, Spyware
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