In a previous post, I shared with you fine people some of the very odd search terms that have led InterWeb surfers to this assault on the English language I call WITFITS. As I explained before, when someone looks up terms in a search engine and then clicks on one of the links returned, that search string is often passed along to the website being linked to. Thus, with a site statistic tracking service, I can actually find out what searches brought visitors here. In what is sure to become a repeated feature, here are more odd search terms and comments by yours truly.

chillin never illin mouth two fillins - Sounds like part of a tag line for a hip-hop dental office. "Uh, yea, name's Kato, I'm lookin' to accessorize up my grille. Gold is played and platinum is on its way out. I wanna glow. How about hookin' me up with uranium?" Actually, I believe this person is quoting the Young MC song, "Know How" off the Stone Cold Rhymin' album (1989 Delicious Vinyl Records). When I referenced this line awhile back, I was almost certain there were only two other people in the world that knew it. Guess maybe there are three. Incidentally, Stone Cold Rhymin' is one of the great pop-rap albums.

sarah chalke boyfriend - Some of you may know her as Elliot on NBC's Scrubs or perhaps as Becky from the later seasons of ABC's Roseanne. I'm sorry to say that I am not, in fact, her boyfriend. But Sarah, if you're reading this, I'm single. Call me!

cartoon cardinals goosestep before Pope 2005 - Hey, is that a NAZI Pope reference? I'm not sure to what they are referring, but sounds pretty funny, doesn't it?

"the group split up" 13th june 1970 - Honestly, I don't know what you are talking about. Unless it's that whole Beatles thing again, which I've already addressed numerous times, most recently in my book entitled, "Seriously, I didn't break up the Beatles. You've got the wrong guy. I wasn't even a zygote in 1970."

sneeze expel mucus nose - That's not so much a search query as it is a very succinct description of how a sneeze works, isn't it? I mean, given those keywords, what could this person possibly have been looking for? Confirmation that they aren't the only one? Some shut-in with Internet access in North Dakota just fired out a handful of lung butter and is desperately combing the web to determine if this is normal, healthy behavior.

oversized erections cialis - Again, I don't know why things like this lead people to WITFITS. Even with the safesearch filter on, I gotta believe there are hundreds of pages that would precede my own in a list of search results, not the least of which would be the freakin' Cialis homepage. Besides, I don't advertise my over-sized erections here--you're thinking of KatoTheNudeBlogger.com, my other site.

"video of ass like that" - Although I'm sure this person intended to find Eminem's "Ass Like That" video, I have to chuckle at the fact that many guys have probably searched on the very similar: video of ass like that, which would, I think, reward you with something much more exciting than a puppetized Slim Shady. Oh, and learn how to use quote searches correctly.

"Value Menu" "I'd hit it - Word! I wanna be all up in that double cheeseburger! We gonna get freaky tonight!

saberspoon alot of red - Forgetting that there is no such word as "alot", is this person concerned that their awesome saberspoon has too much red in it? It's the freakin' Dark Side, son, they don't go with no half-assed pink or some pansy shade of salmon. No, they do it up proper, with a nice, fear-inducing blood red. It's called theatrics, look into it. Actually, they may be complaining that you are more likely to get red spoons than another color, or some such nonsense. Honestly, I don't care, since I acquired a blue one. That's right, I've conquered my fears.

powderpuff girl pez dispensers - Actually, a Powerpuff Girls pez dispenser would be pretty cool. I think I'd want a Bubbles Powerpuff Girl pez dispenser. Maybe I'll give Craig McCraken a call and see if he would agree licensing his Powerpuff Girls as delightful little disbursers of candy. Of course you'll never find out about them because you were born with a terrific inability to spell.

"the little chef" blogspot.com - My name is Kato. Not "the little chef". Ka-to. You know, like the Green Hornet's sidekick? Played by Bruce Lee? Little? Maybe. Chef? No. I haven't been this insulted since a buddy of mine referred to the main character of the Halo series as "Master Sergeant."

Swenson's burgers recipe - Phoenix, did you type in this one? Seriously, why would they put their delicious burger recipe online where evil corporate types could steal it? Perhaps it was wishful thinking: the idea that those perfect patties of pure heaven could be a close as your own kitchen is rather comforting. Damn, now I'm hungry.

ordering a blue saberspoon online - I'm guessing this is a follow up to the previous saberspoon inquiry. Jealous of mine? You think it's gorgeous, don't you? You want to kiiiiss it. You want to daaaate it.

morgan webb wookie clip - There is no reason for me to mention this one other than the fact that I get giddy to think that Googling "Morgan Webb" and/or "wookie" will somehow bring you to WITFITS. My eternal status in Internet geekdom is nearly achieved.

"Star Wars" "fan film" destroying Jar Jar - I don't know how this person stumbled upon me, but I like their attitude. Go, find this film, and report to me immediately!

DDR Ultramix 2 dancer hair color - And why should I know anything about that? I mean, it's not like I'm going home today to dance to my 100th song to unlock "In My Eyes (the midihead remix)". Uhh, I've said too much.

knock-out mouse adventage - I don't know that there is any advantage (or adventage as you Canadians might say) to knocking out a mouse. I suppose it is less cruel than a mousetrap. Oh, maybe you want to knock some out using a mouse, like a blackjack or billy club. Yes, I can see how swinging it by the tail would make it a good choice for quietly subduing an individual. You could also dip the mouse in chloroform and hold it over their mouth and nose, that should do the trick. I still don't know what the advantage is, other than a delightful little squeak every time you hit someone with it.

msn eazy-e moving emotions - Yes, Eazy-E did have many moving emotions. Emotions like love ("a brother that'll smother your mother, and make your sister think I love her") and compassion ("You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain't a sucker!"). He was also a pragmatist ("I wear my pants like this for easy access, baby") and had keen observational skills ("Forty ounces in my lap and it's feezin' my balls"). Yea, Eric "Eazy-E" Wright did indeed have many moving emotions. But now he has none because he is dead.

"for sale" puppet dre eminem "ass like that" - Dude, totally buy me one, too! I don't care if the reserve hasn't been met on Ebay, I want my own Muppet Eminem!

picture of cyberman performing oral on cyber woman - All right, folks, what's the deal? I mean, really, are you putting these things into Google and then starting at the very last page before you click on a link? I hate to disappoint you but there are no pictures here of cybermen performing oral (they mean hygiene, right?) on cyberwomen. At least as far as I know. Scarlet, have you been posting raunchy pictures of your sewing dummy again?

"walton simons" -deus ex - "What an expensive mistake you turned out to be." Yea, I know, none of you got that. It's a video game thing, don't worry about it.

"Will Sasso" quits mtv - Did I black out for a few years? When was Will Sasso on MTV?

sprain +cast +video +fetish - huh +what +the +fuck? I bet this guy (c'mon, you know it was a guy) really got off on that episode of Saved By The Bell when Lisa hurt her knee and ended up creating a new dance crave at The Max in front of Casey Casem by doing "The Sprain". What, too obscure?

Codeine A cheval de troie - I was pretty sure the Trojan Horse was filled with Mycaneans, not analgesics. Still, I guess a wooden horse full of narcotics would have worked just as well. Oh, and LEARN ENGLISH, FRENCHY!

charlie brown's teacher at school speaks in muffled voiced - Another person using Google to state obvious facts. Or maybe they are just confirming they don't have a degenerative illness of the inner ear, I dunno. It seems only fair to respond with: Mwa mwa, mwa mwa mwa mwa. Oh, and we're out of Chex mix.

kung fu hustle axe replica - Maybe I should start selling movie props on WITFITS, it looks like I'd get a fair amount of business.

lyrics + "lonely, I am so lonely" - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!

paris hilton in white negligee - Do you honestly think that if I had Paris Hilton here in white negligee someplace that I would be wasting my time blogging? Oh, well, come to think of it, I probably would. But I'd get a better low-light filter on my camera, Rick Salomon, you cheap bastard.

Tags: Humor, Internet, Referrals