I went and saw Batman Begins last week. Twice, actually. It was very good, I recommend it to true believers and neophytes alike. As far as acting goes, the cast is great. Christian Bale is a pretty decent Batman, not that it would be hard to top Kilmer or, god, Clooney (WTF?). I thought he did a good job of portraying Bruce Wayne the way he would be in the beginning: intelligent, but angry and uncertain. Liam Neeson (Ducard) delivers a flawless performance, and Michael Caine is perfect as Alfred. Gary Oldman and Mogran Freeman round out the cast, with excellent performances as Jim Gordon and Lucius Fox, respectively. Even Katie Holmes (Rachel Dawes) is solid. Yea, I know, I wanted to make a Dawson's Creek joke there, like "Even Katie Holmes proves that she doesn't want to wait ... for the sequel" or "They should have called her character Rachel Daweson's Creek", but even I have my limits.

Although I didn't think about it at the time, I thought the writing for this film was quite good. In particular, the dialogue is very well thought out and appropriate. None of this "every line is the movie trailer catch phrase" bullshit like in Batman & Robin (dear god, stop the pain). It was quite nice to experience a comic-book movie in which the dialogue actually had some meaning and emotion behind it. It also helps to have a talented cast to deliver these lines.

Unlike previous Batman movies, this one seemed to strive at making the characters and story appear at least plausible if not believable. It was a more serious telling of the tale (if that's the right word), blending the comic book canon into a modern context. It also did, in my opinion, a pretty good job of showing Batman's beginnings. Of course, that was the point of the movie, but I appreciated both the subtle and obvious ways in which the character, his persona, and all that is usually associated with him, were built up.

So go out and see it. Kato wills it so!

The next part of this post is may contain content unsuitable for some audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

As I mentioned, I saw Batman Begins twice. The first time was opening night at a special midnight showing. It should be noted that at least two of the patrons were dressed as the Dark Knight himself, maybe even three. You gotta love us nerds, we don't disappoint. The second time was opening weekend and I was somewhat disappointed to find that no one else came in costume. I thought for sure a guy would convince his girlfriend to come as Bat Girl or perhaps Harley Quinn, hell, maybe even Poison Ivy. Or maybe I was just hoping that would happen. Either way, it didn't, but I did get to enjoy the company of a handful of friends who joined me for the flick.

One of my "friends" (and the loose usage of the term will explain itself shortly) decided he was going to try out a new gag on us, the unsuspecting. As I returned to my seat from making a quick bathroom run I had to cross in front of him. As I passed, he decided to reach out at my crotchital region. I barely saw it, the motion was so quick and unexpected. What transpired next was so utterly wrong that I shutter even to think about it. Whether he intended to just make me flinch by striking out at me or he had the full intention of causing some bodily harm, I don't know. What I do know is that contact was made. Hand-to-crotch contact. It was brief--I, as most men would, immediately reacted by snapping my legs shut, bending at the knees, and covering my man nuggets in the universal "I've been hit in the groin" motion. I was completely caught off guard (as were the rest of the crew who observed this) and quite shocked. Although no lasting damage was done, I distinctly felt the pressure of the impact, as slight as it was. What's worse, he did it palm-out, so his hand extended in a natural cupping motion.

That's right, this guy now knows the approximate shape and heft of my goody basket.

For any of my female readers, you should know that this is neither normal guy behavior nor is it acceptable in any context or under any circumstance, even while drunk. Straight guys draw the line at having any part of their body touch the genitals of another guy, even through several layers of clothing. It just isn't done. Not even as a joke. Sure, we can come close to touching them, as a way to make another guy uncomfortable or have them flinch, but contact is strictly prohibited. It says so on like Chapter 2 of The Guy Manual. Homosexuals are, of course, excluded from this rule when it comes to other homosexuals--I think they actually have their own book, anyway.

So, attending Batman Begins taught me two valuable lessons:
1) Chicks dig a guy in a bat suit.
2) I should wear a cup at all times.

Tags: Batman, Humor, Movie Review