I currently use two stat-tracking services (BlogPatrol and StatCounter) here at WITFITS to log activity at the site. Every so often I check them to find out how many people are stopping by, what links they are clicking to get here, etc. The most amusing stats, by far, are the those that catalog what search terms people are using to get to WITFITS. You see, if you type in something, like "WITFITS" into Google or Yahoo, or whatever your search engine of choice is (Ask Kato), and this gem of a website comes back and you click on the link, that search string is recorded. Kinda spooky, don't you think? Here are a few of note from the past couple weeks:

"inner carpentry" uses - I can't think of a single use for "inner carpentry", can you? Of course, I guess that would require me to know what the bloody hell it is.

"birthday rap" - This has come up four times in the logs. Maybe I'll start a trend that will sweep the nation with my inspirational story of two white dudes who, when it suits them, think they're black.

"Eric Wright Puppet" - I don't think such a thing exists, but if it does, I'm getting one. He was pretty short in life, so I'd imagine he'd be like a G'd-up muppet or something.

"Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith subtitles for the l33t among us" - I like this one for the simple fact that the author says "for the l33t among us". It's always good to include self-aggrandizing statements in your search string. I believe that's Google's new "narcissism operator".

"fellatio fucking" - I don't know how to respond to this one. My initial response, however, is to ponder the fact that unless this person is looking for content which contains either one of those things, the use of the word "fucking" to clarify that the "fellatio" they are interested in is of a sexual nature is probably academic. What I don't understand is why anyone who would be searching for such things would pass up what must be hundreds of earlier hit results to click on the link to my blog. Twice! The only thing I can think of is they spent all night at the computer checking out every link and finally, on the very last page of search results, they clicked on me for the sake of completion. At least I know there is one person out there who has visited every fallacious website on the 'net. I owe you a beer.

"how many people skipped work for star wars episode 3" - Surprisingly, only seven, thank you for asking.

"punky glomer" - It makes me tingle to realize that if you do this exact search in Google (sans quotes), WITFITS is the number 6 result. Soleil Moon Frye, if you're out there: I love you!

"watch the 1985 goonies movie for free on the computer right now" - This guy is in desperate need of a Corey Feldman fix. Or maybe he's demanding that I watch it right now, I can't tell. Dude, chill, it's gonna be okay, just take a deep breath. I bet Blockbuster has it. Why don't we call them...together. Incidentally, is the1985 really necessary? I mean, can anyone think of another Goonies?

"Does Seth McFarlane dislike Dave Chapelle?" - Excellent question. Let's ask Dave. Dave? Dave? Hello? Dave...?

"stewie as a gangsta" - Man that's redundant, y'all know my man S-Dogg is a straight peey-imp. Actually, in a recent episode he rolled up in a tricked out Big Wheel. Comedy ensued.

"assman license plates" - I'll always be proud that I've immortalized myself on the web with the phrase, "I'm Kato Katonian, the Assman!"

aids "all of my teeth" - All your teeth are belong to us. I'm not sure I want to know what this means.

"i miss you, and that's just being real" - I miss you too, son.

"hairiest guy ever" - At first I was offended because I thought the search engines were pointing to me as the individual to which that dubious title should be applied. Then I realized I was just being paranoid (I'm not all that hairy, after all) and that it was probably found in my Klingon post last month. Then I thought, why would anyone want to search for this? By the way, the answer is a tie going to brothers Victor "Larry" and Gabriel "Danny" Ramos Gomez (hair covering 98% of their bodies).

"rap music doesn't make you do bad things" - When I read this I couldn't help but think it was some poor 13-year-old kid whose folks just found his 50 Cent: The Massacre CD. I imagine he was grounded and while on the computer in the library at school he entered this plea so that he might find some tangible evidence to show his folks that rap music isn't that bad. Of course he never found the answer as he was stabbed in the liver with a compass by a ninth grader who listens to heavy metal.

A prize to anyone who can get WITFITS to come back as a result of the most unlikely of queries. Start your searching... now!

Tags: Humor, Internet, Referrals