WITFITS: Happy Pi Day!

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by Kato @ 1:59 PM

To all my friends on this vast and great InterWeb of ours, and to all my friends in the equally vast and sometimes great real world of ours, I wish you a very Happy Pi Day! I hope each and every one of you will have an opportunity to enjoy a slice of pie today, whether it be apple, cherry, rhubarb, key lime, or some other flavor I cannot possibly comprehend. Pi day is a time to be with family and friends and reflect on how Pi has influenced all of our lives. We are undoubtedly richer, more capable beings because of this wonderful, magical, funderful little irrational number.

The history of Pi Day stretches back several thousand years, with indications that it may have been celebrated by the ancient Egyptians, Mesopotamians, and Hebrews. A little known verse in the Bible reads "And he made a flaky crust, three hands from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was one half-hand: and a line of nine hands did compass it about. It was endowed with fruit filling, boiled with sweet sugar, and did burn the roof of thine mouth when sampled." (I Kings 7, 23) Of course at this time the value of Pi was computed as exactly three, but the sentiment was the same nonetheless. Since then Pi Day has gone through a number of iterations and although the ways of celebrating have differed vastly throughout the many years, the sense that Pi (and pie) is great, has never been lost.

Highlights in the History of Pi Day:
1250 B.C. - During Moses' long trek through the desert it is said that the ancient Hebrews had to resort to unleavened pie crusts. Yet another reason their wandering, for the most part, sucked.
300 B.C. - Euclid, the Greek mathematician, completes his 13-volume Elements, in which he lists his principles of geometry. Page 15 has a really rippin' recipe for feta cheesecake.
~33 C.E. - Jesus of Nazareth holds a Pi Day celebration for a few of his closest friends/apostles. In a "miracle-mixup" of sorts, the apples in their pies are fermented, forming a tasty, yet highly intoxicating dessert. Jesus was said to have gotten into a drunken argument with Judas, telling him loudly, "You don't know me!" and accusing him of bogarting. Later, he repeatedly said to Peter, "I love you man, I really do. You're...you're jusht great." When asked about the incident, Peter denied any knowledge of it.
1136 C.E. - The French decide that crepes are a more appropriate foodstuff for the occasion. Not surprisingly, the rest of the world tells France to screw off. Some believe this was a catalyst in the start of the 100 Years War.
1500 - 1776 C.E. - The American Colonial Era is defined by a desire to be separate from Great Britain. Early Protestants and Huguenots fled to the new world due, in part, to increased religious pressure from the Church of England (one edict of the time stated that no pie baked in the month of March could contain a fruit bearing seeds). In the years leading up to the American Revolution, King George III sparked the ire of the colonists by taxing, among other things, playing cards, stamps, tea, and "crusted confectionaries." An early draft of the Declaration of Independence (said to be written during one particularly grueling session that had toiled well past lunch) included the following passage: "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all pies are created equal, that they are endowed by their baker with certain unalienable fillings, that among these are blueberry, pumpkin, and possibly chocolate."
1939 – 1945 C.E. - In the grip of the second World War, Europe’s citizens donate most of their goods, including copper, aluminum, flour, and sugar to the troops and the war effort. In response to a reporter asking him in early March of ’43 what he thought his nation should do to overcome the ingredient crisis they were facing, Prime Minister Churchill replied, "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat." Needless to say, "Winston Pies" were not a big seller that year.
1969 C.E. - At the height of the anti-war and free love movement in the U.S., hippies began turning their Pi Day pies upside down in an attempt to show that even the ancient Greek symbol was really just a peace sign turned around. Justifiably, these hippies were beaten and told to "get a job."
2000 C.E. - Madonna butchers Don McClean’s seminal classic "American Pie." March 14 was marked with silence, mourning, and a tasty yet reverent Black Walnut Pie.
2005 C.E. - Inexplicably, a blogger by the name of Kato feels it necessary to create a timeline of fictitious Pi Day related events. One visitor to his website was quoted as saying, "That dude has some serious issues. Anyone who uses the word ‘pie’ that many times needs to seek urgent medical attention."