For those of you who aren't gamer nerds with digital cable, or are otherwise unaware of the women that grace our pantheon of goddesses, the attractive gal to the right is one miss Morgan Webb. Morgan was, at one time, a tech correspondent and co-producer for the TechTV (now G4TechTV) program The Screen Savers. Her love of gaming, onscreen presence, and good looks won her the roll as co-host with Adam Sessler on the video game review show X-Play. Every night, she and Adam do their best to guide us toward the games we should play and the games we should avoid, sprinkling in random skits and a plethora of geeky references for variety's sake.

I have a thing for Morgan Webb.

Let's call that thing a "crush" for the time being. Crush evokes an innocent, love-from-afar feeling. I want to distinguish that from others out there who might have certain affection for her. These troglodytes and other renegades of decency post comments to her blogs such as:

you r so effing hottt. i want to have sex with you while we play mario kart. you can be daisy.
- PreTeenFan13

Morgan's boob are outrageous I want to feel Morgan's boobs ur boobs make me horny I need boobs now.
- TotalRetard001

Thinking of you makes me touch myself in naughty places. Will you touch my naughty places?
- CreepyGuy

You are the Princess Leia to my Han Solo. Let me whisk you away in my Millennium Falcon and we'll explore the universe of our love. I will give you all the Wookie you can handle.
- KatoLovesMorgan

You should probably just ignore that last one. He's, um, no relation. I know my limits--I am certainly not one to hack a celebrity's website and post "Will you marry me, Morgan Webb?"--which is why I'm gonna continue to consider it a crush instead of grounds for a restraining order. Besides, since when has sending someone a letter in the mail, written ransom-note style with the letters of every word taken from different parts of a newspaper, been a crime?

Miss Webb has a broad appeal to me. For starters, she's definitely not hard on the eyes, and much like Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, her hair color has run the gamut from platinum blonde to black. She is a fangirl of Lord of the Rings (particularly Orlando Bloom as Legolas), Star Wars (she occasionally makes Wookie sounds on the show), and probably at least The Simpson and Futurama. She's a computer nerd and a gamer chick, and thinks intelligent men are sexy. Hella sexy. What's more, I just learned today she was born near Toronto, which technically makes her Canadian. And as anyone will tell you, Canadian girls rule. In my world she's like the human equivalent of rolling a natural 20.

So what's the point of all this? Well, I was watching X-Play the other night and thought about posting on how cool I think she is. Then, in some deep part of my mind near the subconscious, far away from the reason center of my brain and severely isolated from reality, I thought: "But what if I post and then she reads it? I'll never have a chance with her then."

Allow me to repeat that: "I'll never have a chance with her then."

Sometimes it actually hurts to be this naive.

Tags: Geek, Humor, Lust, Morgan Webb