It probably goes without saying that Spyware (and Adware, and Malware, and some types of Underwear--mainly Speedos) is/are evil. Yet I've said it, so I guess it didn't go without saying. Normally I wouldn't feel the need to express such an obvious opinion but I've spent a couple of hours over the past few days attempting to remove from my work PC such "applications". It should be noted that I use that term lightly since, as an "Application Developer" I like to think that applications have some shred of nobility and purpose in their soulless existence. You would think that in the professional environment in which I work there would be nightly checks for such things to go along with virus scans. I mean, I don't even have root on this machine, to get it I either have to call someone and beg to have it for a few hours, take a course and tests every 6 months to show I'm certified to hose my machine as I see fit, or perform a ritual sacrifice to Bhaal on the altar out back. None of these appeals to me, at least not right at the moment. After doing scans with the requisite software, I ended up having to comb through my registry and delete entries there and in the Windows system dir. Today I found myself scouring the net to find information on a suspicious dll and in the end had to go to the trouble of deregistering it, rebooting, and then deleting the file. God bless the Internet, but what a pain.

To paraphrase Garfield: "Whoever invented Spyware should be drug out in the street and shot."

I was originally going to launch into some diatribe about computers and how it seems strange that for some reason companies think it is right or acceptable to install programs on a user's PC without telling them what they are, what they do, or how to remove them, all for the sake of advertising. But when I sat back and thought about it, I realized the precedent has long been established that we tolerate this type of behavior. Grocery stores and credit cards track who buys what and then sell that information, as do government agencies. Television and radio ads are targeted to specific demographics which can come from, among other things, Nielsen's and recording services like TiVo.

Yet, much like Sandra Bernhardt, it always rubs me the wrong way.

I wonder if we avid computer users (programmers, geeks, hackers, etc.) are more bothered by it than most. I imagine most people just think of it as an annoyance and treat it much the same way they treat computer viruses: it's bound to happen and it's the price you pay for using a computer. We tech guys, on the other hand, are very much in tune with our beloved PCs. We cherish them, lavish attention upon them, buy them presents ("Here's a new hard drive for you, sweetie, I hope you like it") and encourage them to play with others. In many ways they are to us friends, children, or spouses, at least in an electronic form. It is precious to me. So, when we find out that someone has placed a bit of software on our dear sweet machine, software which serves only to frustrate and annoy us and further their own devious and narcissistic and undoubtedly nefarious designs, well let's just say we get a little bit crazy. It's kinda like being the parent of a pre-teen who signed up for the BMG or Columbia House music club after being duped by its 1 cent for 12 albums deal. You want to make it stop as soon as possible and you feel like finding whoever is responsible and punching them square in the face without warning. I think most of us computer guys feel like Carl Spackler from Caddyshack in an ever escalating battle against the gopher.

Think of it this way, what if someone seripticiously inserted a midget into your domicile that kept a journal (in his wee notebook) about everything you did and then used your phone to call his superiors and tell them about you. What's more, you'd have a hard time finding the midget (for obvious reasons) and he has a bunch of buddies, so when you finally find him and toss him out, another sneaks in and takes his place. Also the midget has an endless supply of posterboard and walks in front of you when you are like fixing a sandwich, or watching TV, or draining the snake, and just holds the sign right up to your face until you smack it out of his tiny little mits like Dr. Dre smacking the taste out your mouth. This is the best and most accurate way I can describe to the average joe how I feel about Spyware invading my computerus.

Except for the part about midgets. Everyone loves midgets.

Tags: Computers and Internet, Geek,Humor, Spyware