1. Buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates and leave them outside my apartment door. Open the door five minutes later to imaginary knocking and feign ignorance as I say, in a loud voice, "Chocolates on Valentine's Day? For ME?"
2. Watch the entire Star Wars Trilogy and grow jealous at first Luke then Han for the affection shown to them by Leia.
3. Play "quarters" with myself until I pass out in a drunken stupor.
4. TiVo any program with the words "Valentine" or "Love" in them and then unceremoniously delete them just out of spite.
5. Christen a brand new box of kleenex.

Incidentally, the 5ives concept was shamelessly stolen from Merlin's Lists of Five Things. I found them to be brilliantly irreverant and funny so I took to continuing the tradition.

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