Remember when I used to blog here?
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I'm really not sure.
by Kato @ 2:29 PM
It works on forum posts, thought it might work here. No?
Drifting. Falling.
Gently cascading.
Little white flakes;
big white flakes.
They dance like wild children,
unhindered by self-consciousness.

It gathers in crooks of trees,
blankets the ground in white,
and makes me ponder,
makes me wonder:

Was it wrong to put that carrot
on the snowman
where his penis would be?
Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. How long have you been watching? An hour? A day? A fortnight?

It doesn't matter. Now that I've seen you, I can begin. Which is to say I can end. Well, not me exactly. The year, really. The decade, even.

The year two thousand and nine (written out of those who hate numerals) has come and is about to go. I can hardly believe it. Can you? Well, of course you can. You are an intelligent person who understands that time passes linearly and that with each day we come closer to the end of a year. That is just how the world works. What I mean is that, it is hard to comprehend that all these days have gone by so quickly. And, yes, I know, the days still pass at the same speed. I am merely describing the sensation. You are very picky today, aren't you?

This year, as many, was full of highs and lows, at least for me. Oh the things I've seen and done. I wish that along the way I was given the ability to share those things with you, for good or for ill, so that we might have experienced them together, and maybe learned a thing or two.

Oh, well, I suppose that is what this edifice is for. Point taken.

Truth be told, I missed you all. You, you, and especially you, and not so much you, and you (and your sister), and to an extent you as well. I miss our little chats. Sometimes I think about writing to you again, just to say hi, but then the words don't come, and the time grows short, and I'm afraid of disappointing you again when the days and the months go by. And often I think of all the things that need to be fixed here--all the things I need to change, and update, and correct, and make better--and my heart grows heavy and my patience grows thin and the feeling of being overwhelmed washes over me. And so I don't.

But I do miss you.

And some of you still came by, just to say hi. And the occasional new visitor stumbled their way upon this almost forgotten archive of fits of wit, and left a little scrawl to show they were here. I saw them all. Thank you for your comments.

Still, my words did at least have some outlet in 2009, if mostly not here. I have traded long-winded exposition for short bursts of observation, opting to slake my creative thirst in 140 characters or less. Even my sometimes nemesis got into the act, though he's been very quiet of late (plotting another evil scheme no doubt).

And then of course there was the very generous offer to host my "humorous" video-game related musings at the ever salacious HawtyMcBloggy.com. For fifteen weeks I did my best to satire the gaming industry... with mixed success (but overwhelmingly positive feedback). At this point, I'm uncertain if it will continue into 2010, but there's a good chance that something from me will grace her pages in the future, couched between Spartan pr0n and crocheted katamari.

I suppose I could wax on here for quite some time, reminiscing about 2009 (remember that great video on YouTube? That was awesome!) and I really want to, but it's time for me to go. And not just because it's almost midnight and this bottle of champagne isn't going to drink itself (even though that would be a neat invention).

So, to the people who I've come to know through this blog (and the people I haven't), and all those great people on the Internet who have enriched my life through their creative endeavors, and really to everyone out there, I wish you a Happy New Year. I hope 2010 brings you happiness, prosperity, and tacos.

Because tacos rule.

Warmest regards,
Kato
For reasons still unclear, blogger Evan 08 asked to interview me. Perhaps he suffered a head injury or maybe it was just a slow news days.

I kid, I kid. I'm self-deprecating, see? Intrigued? Well, then, check out his interview with yours truly over at Witless Protection Program to find out more about the man behind the blog, behind the mask. (Or is that man behind the mask behind the blog. Blog behind the man behind the mask. Something behind the something behind the something. Masked man's behind, blogging... Hippo.)

I'm honored. Thanks for the softballs.
An early adopter of the first generation iPhone, I eagerly anticipated Apple's announcement earlier this summer of their latest and greatest entry into the smart phone market. I passed on the 3G from last year, for a variety of monetary and practical reasons, figuring I might grab the next iteration. In spite of the Reality Distortion Field, I found Apple's announcement of the iPhone 3GS features and capabilities compelling. A couple of people have asked me how I liked the new version, so I thought I'd jot some of my thoughts down here.

Since I'm upgrading from the 1st gen to the 3GS, it should be pointed out that some of these are improvements that came with the second generation (or are available on the first generation with the latest firmware).

FORM FACTOR
Apple has a reputation for designing sleek devices, though I've always thought their obsession with white made their products look practically antiseptic. The 3GS is identical to the 3G in form factor (as far as I know) and really does feel good in my hand. The curve of the back and the plastic make it very "holdable". But, that same curve makes the phone wobble a bit if you try to interact with it while it's resting on a flat surface like a table top or desk (though probably not obnoxiously so). The curved plastic also makes it a bit more slippery; pro-tip: don't rest it in your lap unless you want it crashing to the floor seconds later.

SPEAKERS
The speaker volume is much improved from the first gen, making it more practical to use speaker phone, show a video or song to a friend, enjoy gaming, or any other time when you don't want to wear headphones or have the thing pressed to your ear. The speaker(s) are now covered with a fine wire mesh instead of simply holes in the case, which should help keep dirt and pocket lint out (as well as probably aiding in volume). The one oddity is that covering the speaker in any way (say with your hand while gaming) seriously reduces the ability for it to generate sound (practically muting it). This is difficult to avoid when holding in landscape mode, carrying it in your pocket or purse, etc., and is confounded by the fact that sound only comes from one speaker.

OLEOPHOBIC COATING
A feature that seemingly snuck into the latest hardware without much fanfare is the new oleophobic ["fingerprint resistant"] coating. It actually works better than I would have expected. Although the screen still picks up smudges and fingerprints, it's not nearly as bad as the previous generations which seemingly required a wipe down after every use. For awhile there I thought I really was a greasy stereotype. I find myself having to polish the screen much less frequently, no longer having to stare through old button presses and finger swipes. For an interesting explanation of the technology, see Bill Nye's explanation at Gizmodo.

GPS
The first generation, which didn't have any GPS hardware, faked it by using information from nearby cell towers and a wireless network if connected. A clever scheme, it worked well enough to be useful if you only needed to know your approximate location. Having real GPS hardware, introduced in the 3G, is really where it's at. Being able to almost instantly have your location pinpointed is undeniably cool (at least for someone like me who doesn't own an in-car nav system or the like). Watching the pulsing blue dot is almost hypnotizing. Plus, since the hardware is available for all applications to use, it can be leverage to do some fun/interesting stuff. As an example: I recently used it to track a nature hike I went on.

COPY PASTE
One of the most requested features finally makes it to the iPhone as of the 3.0 firmware update. It works pretty well, though the copy pop-up can be somewhat intrusive when all you're trying to do is edit text you've entered. It has some oddities though. For instance, you can't select just part of a text message, you only have the option of copying it all. Strange design decision.

UNDO WEIRDNESS
There is an undo function, apparently. I know this because practically every time I pull the phone out of my pocket, it has a message on the screen that says "Nothing to undo". I guess I must be "Butt Undoing".

FORWARD TEXT MESSAGES
Not sure when this was added (3.0?) but it's a nice feature to have (finally). Though it's under the "edit" button which seems non-obvious.

GLOBAL SEARCH
It's about time! Introduced with the 3.0 update, you can now swipe right from the first desktop or click the "home" button to access Spotlight for searching the whole phone. It works pretty fast, and searches while you type, bringing up music, applications, safari bookmarks, email addresses, etc., that match your terms. You can also access the search functionality within the e-mail client, but annoyingly, it only searches e-mail addresses and subject lines. To me, this is practically useless, as the information I need 99% of the time is in the body of an e-mail, not the subject line.

VOICE RECOGNITION
A cool feature that is a long time coming, I think only available on the 3GS. Holding the home button for a few second brings up the voice menu from which you can make a limited number of requests, focused mainly on controlling the phone or the iPod. It's a mixed bag of impressive and fail, varying greatly with what you are requesting and the noise of your environment. For instance, the first time trying it, I asked it to dial a friend of mine, and it got the name right on the first try. It even prompts you to say what phone number (i.e. "mobile", "home", "work") you want to dial if they have multiple entries. Using the iPod is a bit trickier. Often times it would misinterpret what I was asking, and this is due in part to the small vocabulary of the commands. If you don't know the exact command to do something, it will give you strange results. For instance, if you want to hear some Pearl Jam, you have to say "Play Artist Pearl Jam" and not "Play Pearl Jam". There does not seem to be a way to play a specific song, which if an unfortunate omission. In noisy environments, it has worked very poorly for me. Walking outside wearing the supplied headphones on a somewhat windy day, it interpreted mic noise as various different commands, none of which where what I was attempting. Apparently it doesn't work over Bluetooth currently (another odd omission) but will supposedly after the next minor software update. Also, the voice menu closes after every command, which can be annoying if you want to do multiple things (such as ask the artist of the current song, then ask to play something else).

COMPASS
It's a compass. By itself that's nothing to write home about, but it will be very useful in mapping applications and could prove interesting for other applications. I'm waiting for the star gazing apps to use it to really nail down the ability to hold your phone between you and a constellation and identify it.

LANDSCAPE MODE FOR MORE APPS
Landscape keyboard works in email and text messages as of the 3.0 update, which has it advantages, and should have been in place from the beginning. Still, I don't know why they don't have a landscape mode for the desktop. It wouldn't have to be complicated, even just rotating the icons in place would be sufficient.

3G AND NETWORK SPEED
It's hard to say if the 3G antenna, which debuted in the second gen iPhone, is offering much of an improvement. It should be faster than the Edge network, but coverage is spotty. Browsing feels faster, but I think a lot of that has to do with updates to Safari and the faster processor. I also think that this phone seems a little less tolerant to poor signals. On my first gen iPhone, it seemed like I could get away with sending a text message more often when I barely had a signal. Now, I'm constantly attempting to resend when I'm in a dead zone (which seems to be most of the buildings I'm inside). It feels very "all or nothing" as far as connectivity goes.

TEXT MESSAGING
The text messaging interface is a little different now when a text can't send. Now it simply marks the text with an exclamation point when it fails. However, it would be nice if this was visible from the home screen (an exclamation point on the Messages icon, for instance, to let you know one or more failed to send).

CLOCK
I noticed a slight change to the Stopwatch which now has a lap timer. Don't know when that was included, but it's nice, if you like that sort of thing.

VOICE MEMOS
A cool app added in the 3.0 update, it allows you to record and send voice memos. Minimal interface, but it does what it advertises, without a lot of bells and whistles.

CAMERA
The new camera is a nice improvement over the first generation. 3 megapixel autofocus, with a nifty "touch to focus" interface (touch the object on the screen you want to focus on and it does--makes sense). Welcomed, also, is the ability to do macro photography as it was difficult before to take photos of anything relatively close to the camera. This comes in very handy on the iPhone, as I find I'm often photographic product labels or other objects with text, which before came out as a blurry mess.
Video recording is a new feature, one that I can't believe Apple, of all companies, left out in the first two generations. The picture looks good, the frame rate is nice, and the UI is simple and useable. You can do simple cropping of the beginning and ending with a simple scrubber, and you can even upload to YouTube.

STORAGE SPACE
I don't have a huge music collection, but even I was constrained by the 8GB of my original phone. The 32GB of the 3GS feels vast... at least until I start filling it with videos of my cat.

BATTERY LIFE
Although they always tout improved battery life, I'm not seeing one. In fact, my battery seems to run down faster than my first gen. But I can't make any specific claims as I have done any empirical testing. I have found that gaming eats up the battery quite quickly. Peggle is forcing me to charge my phone more than once a day. I'm not the first to complain, however, and some think that perhaps the 3.0 software has some poor battery management.

HEAT
The phone also experiences some heat issues from time to time, mainly when gaming for long stretches, getting noticeably hot to the touch. Again, I do not appear to be alone in noting this.

HEADPHONE JACK
As of the 3G, this is no longer recessed, so any standard headphone will work. It was one of the more ridiculous issues with the first generation.

SPEED
This is the overall best feature of the new iPhone. My first generation always felt a little sluggish, and I'm happy that this doesn't seem to be the case with the 3GS. Everything is improved by the faster chipset and it's surprising how smoothly the device runs now. Text entry is improved: no more lag. Web surfing is better: pages don't seem to stutter on scrolls (though this may be also improvements to Safari). Apps load and play noticeably faster (particularly games). This is the chipset that should have been including in the first generation, the one that delivers the smooth and quick interface people expect from all the Apple hype.

Overall, I'm extremely happy with the iPhone 3GS, coming from the first generation. It has its quirks, and some odd design decisions in places, but every software revision seems to improve it just a little more. If you have a 3G already it may not be enough of an improvement to warrant the price, but first gen owners who are available for the subsidized price should seriously consider the upgrade for the speed and other niceties included in the 3G and 3GS.
Seriously, why?

Hermit Crab Bling Kit


I didn't know hermit crabs were a thing in desperate need of blinging.
This week I'm proud to announce the start of my very own guest column over at the fabulous bs angel's video gaming blog extravaganza Hawty McBloggy. The Katonian Press is reporting on gaming and game industry news to the best of its ability: by making it all up. Please check out a weekly dose of faux gaming news in The Katonian Press at HawtyMcBloggy.com.
Rock Band is certainly a fun way to enjoy your favorite songs and pretend you're "melting hot licks" (or whatever the kids are calling it these days). It also has a decent character (rockvatar?) generator that let's you appropriately create a digital representation of your on-stage awesomeness.

What's more, it let's people create all sorts of great interpretations of famous real and fictional individuals. And then put them in a band. Like the cast of Star Trek The Next Generation, or Sarah Palin, or the survivors from Left 4 Dead.

I too have experimented with creating Rock Band facsimiles of famous characters. Tired of stand-ins filling out my band, I decided to create two much more interesting compatriots to rock out with. Mind you this was many months ago and I didn't spend a lot of time on it, but it's the Internet, so I'm compelled to share.

First up is everyone's favorite musical villain, Dr. Horrible. Behold him in all of his angsty glory!

Dr. Horrible (Rock Band)

My apologies to Joss Whedon and Neil Patrick Harris.

Since I have a penchant for villains (and super-villains), I couldn't pass up the opportunity to pay tribute to The Dark Knight. Filling out the rest of my band is everyone's favorite Clown Prince (of Rock), The Joker:

The Joker (Rock Band)

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is how I roll:

Kato (Rock Band)

At least I think that's me. It could be Yahtzee Croshaw.
Twitter, the masturbatory social time sink that has ensnared even the all powerful Oprah and her legion, is currently down for scheduled maintenance.

Unable to post there, and burdened with an abundance of useless (read: tweet-worthy) information, I struggled to get through the outage. I e-mailed my favorite game blogger, Miss bs angel of Hawty McBloggy, and made a desperate request for just a small taste of information. "I need my fix", I pleaded.

Here's how she replied:

There's this thing I love doing called Twitting.
When it goes down though I feel like spitting.
What am I to do,
I haven't a clue.
Whomever will I tell that I'm shitting?

Out of the park. But not to be outdone, I had to reply with a limerick of my own:

I hate to sound nasty and bitter,
but my life has gone straight down the shitter,
I've got plenty to say,
bout my boring old day,
And alas, I can't post it to Twitter!

One way to pass the time, I suppose. Feel free to post your own variants in the comments.

© 2009 Kato Katonian
"I'm glad to be with you, here at the end of all things."
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